eyerush

Do You Realize - that you have the most beautiful face
Do You Realize - we're floating in space -
Do You Realize - that happiness makes you cry
Do You Realize - that everyone you know someday will die

And instead of saying all of your goodbyes - let them know
You realize that life goes fast
It's hard to make the good things last
You realize the sun doesn't go down
It's just an illusion caused by the world spinning round

Do You Realize - Oh - Oh - Oh
Do You Realize - that everyone you know
Someday will die -

And instead of saying all of your goodbyes - let them know
You realize that life goes fast
It's hard to make the good things last
You realize the sun doesn't go down
It's just an illusion caused by the world spinning round

Do You Realize - that you have the most beautiful face
Do You Realize

-The Flaming Lips

I went to the funeral of a friend of my moms today. A really wonderful woman. She has been dying for 10 years now and the whole time has refused to give up. It never slowed her down once. I saw her a few weeks ago and you couldn't tell she was sick. She didn't look sick. She never has. When I got the news I was stunned. It took a lot out of my parents, too My mom didn't have to speak for me to see what was in her mind. She always thought that this woman had already defied so many of the odds that it was never going to get her. When she died, my mom was left with a real harsh realization. Suddenly, her generation is the old one. It is her friends that are growing old and dying. This woman was five years younger than my mom and ten years younger than my father. She is worried about my father, it's impossible for her to hide it. The worst part is, I don't even know how to talk to her about it.
My dad seems to be in good health now but he has had a pretty rotten turn of it lately. It makes me wonder (maybe selfishly) how long do I have left with him? Is ten years realistic? Would that even be enough time? And then I start to second guess myself. Things like "Should I have given him grandkids by now?" or "Is he satisfied with who or what I've become or did I not go as far or do as much as he wanted?" I gotta quit on this. I'm talking about the old man as if he was already gone.
I'm tempted tomorrow to talk to him about some of this. He and I are going to the symphony together. It's one of those things that I consider "our thing". None of the other brothers (I have 3) go. Neither does my mom. It's nice for the two of us to be able to go out and spend some time together. I just wanna sit both of my parents down and tell them how much I love them and cherish them.

Whew!

Now, I'm rambling. Funeral's, death, music concerts. What a week. One thing is for sure, you really couldn't have picked a better day for a funeral. It was sunny and clear and warm. Perfect. It was the kind of day I'd want at my funeral It was a really nice funeral too (not morbidly either). She was a woman who lived through tragedy and still celebrated life and it showed in her funeral.

Now, about the lyrics above, it just seemed fitting. I like the quit worrying, start living message they give. I got into the Flaming Lips not too long ago and they completely fascinate me with stuff like this. Plus they have a really great live show. A lot of their songs seem to be like that too. It's kinda refreshing.

Anyhow, now that I've probably depressed anyone reading this, I think its time to go to sleep. (That's another thing. Between work and the funeral and tutoring, I've been going nonstop since around 3:30 this morning.) To, end this I just wanted to make a small request. Keep me in your thoughts. I got a lot going on right now and I know what I think and what to do about it. I appreciate that you would even read it but (and I don't wanna sound like an asshole) (hmm, how do I say this?) advice isn't what I need right now. I've been getting advice from everyone it seems and some of it has been driving me mad. (Please note that I'm talking about my families advice and not advice I've been given in the past for various blogs. I actually did wanna hear that stuff and will one day wanna hear more so don't be discouraged) The thought would be appreciated but I think this post is more of a rhetorical thing for me right now. So, like I said, keep me in your thoughts, tell me jokes, show me pictures of boobies, buy me beers and lets have a good time.

From now on, fun cheery funny blogs from me (Unless the fucking Niners beat the Packers.)