exzploreacetion

you ever feel like everything is going so great and then wham out of no where everything seems to be an mess. thats how my life has been latly in certian aspects of my life. school wise i have been doing great ive been getting my grades togther making sure im doing all my requirements etc. but in my love life that is where things have been a lttittle iffy. me and my bf broke up late last year in the begining of dec ?(2007) and i found out in an tootally oblivious way that he was no longer happy. i.e went to use the comp saw an im stating it to his friend how he wanted to break up with me... yea totally oblivious. and though we have been back togther for over na year now i can't seem to shake this feeling of dread now that everything is going to fall from beneath me lkike it did that day . besides my insecurites with my bf i now i have to deal with the fact that my little brother is gone. he passed on dec 1 and though ive gone through the mourning process i still feel like i havent quite grasped the fact that h eis truly gone. im at the point in my life where im kinda want to start taking chances even though im very very structured. living in this god forsaken town has really shown me tht im missing a lot and i need to expreince other things than just work and school. i have friends but not those true ride till you die friends you know . i guess right now im kinda lonly