exquisite

In my life, I have had to put down a cat, a bunny, and just this past summer my dog that I've had since I was in kindergarten; and let me tell you, it doesn't get any easier. The bunny and the cat were young, so it's hard thinking about the fun life they could have lived. My dog, Lucky, on the other hand was 17 years old. Most of her teeth were so rotted that the only food we could give her was this softer stuff that we had to soak in water. She also had several tumors on her body. The hardest thing with her is that ever time I came home I could see how much she hurt, but she also looked so perky and happy to see me. She lived a good life though, and I know she died happy.

People tell me that an animal is just an animal, and I shouldn't get sad like if a human died, but the real thing is that a pet is just as much of your life as some one you love.

The thing with your ex-boyfriend, well it's just going to take time to get over. Love can be the best and worst thing in the world. It's been three weeks now since I split up with my girlfriend; the girl I was going to ask to marry me on Friday night. If you look at me on the outside you would think that I wasn't that broken up about it, but the truth is that I'm a fucking wreck about it. I don't know how many times I put her number in my phone and just stare at the send button, how many times I stay awake at night talking to her as if she was right there, or how many times I read through all the emails and letters she sent me. When you are in love with some one and you break up with them, your first instinct is to be mad at them and tell them you hate them. That makes it easier to deal with the pain, but that hate will soon fade.

If you need any one to talk to, I'm here for ya. Take care.

I remember I used to skip school when I was a kid and had pets put down. There's been too many. *siGh* This little boy was sort of special though, because he was my first pet, not a family pet or anything. I dunno. It sucks. Thanks guys for all of your kind words, it's very appreciated.

I love the xbox...if your on Live... Transmutated. I kill everything...sometimes

Happy New Year eXquisite!!!

Cheers!

[Edited on Dec 31, 2004 1:40PM]

Hmmm, Xmas gatherings. 95%of my family lives in Florida, so all i have really in the Midwest are my parents and siblings. So needless to say my family gatherings are weak as hell. I think its cool that you and whatever family you can gather up are doing something, wish I could do that...but my family is kinda distant.

Job....
I used to have one of those, and then the boss man of the place had to get all stupid. I was a lead at a chroming plant and watched over about 7 people. I made descent money, but I cant take "insert foul word here" from people. I recently bought a domain name to sell my own designed apparel, try that I suppose.

MERRY CHRISTMAS

[Edited on Dec 24, 2004 2:18PM]

Congrats on the raise. I've always felt that Poe's work possesses a somber beauty. I completely feel what your saying about the holiday stress and family members and their comments and ill concieved notions of where my life is or should be. At least there's a lot of good food involved.

i liked the poem. i was never a big fan of edgar. nothing against him. i just never got into him. but i do like that poem and i have a small collection of his poems. and i've always loved the tell tale hart and the black cat. iknow. i know.... they are the ones that everybody likes... but i like em none the less.
i'm happy that you like my work. i am compiling all of my shtuff together and i'm starting to get all of my stories that are on paper and in my head onto the comp. should take a while but when i'm done i should have a nice springboard to start a carreer from it. i hope to one day claim the throne as the most evil writer in the world. if you read my actual stories, you would know what i mean. they are extremely non hold backy which is the way that i like to write. if you like reading poems. you must write them yourself too maybe. why don't you post one. i'd love to see it.
im glad you got a raise. i myself am looking for a job with heat... that would be nice. lol. damnit it's cold at work...lol
later lass.

It always seems to get back to dessert with you. I like your style.

Haha yes I must admit I do love food. Yet no matter what I eat I keep hearing how thin I am - I never thought being called thin would start to bother me. Yet... sadly... it has.

Thanx. I should warn you that I am very susceptible to flattery. I too am suffering from liquification of the brain. Is your work hiring because Im pretty fed up with America right now.

!@#%$

I wrote a big long response and then *poof* like magic... it didn't wanna post. So lame. Tres sad.

Flattery is fun stuff though. I like flattering those who take it well. People like myself who shy away from compliments and flirty behavior must bore people.

And my work is hiring haha! It's corporate whoring for two associate lawyers, in other words...

Insomnia rules. Sometimes I wonder if I should use prescriptions to attempt to make it go away though. I don't honestly recall any good results from when I did that though.

Check it out - reading materials!

That's a link to a description of my old sleeping drug. Though I note now a possible side effect when taking it is insomnia! My doctor must be on teh crack. I'm baffled. Just for the record I'm not depressed (and yes I do recall just the other night how sad I was feeling so hush). Anyone know a good doctor? I think I need a new one.

Don't we all wish we had that much energy. I know if I had that kind of energy I wouldn't wait until the last minute to write a seven page paper.

Seems I can't write it with out wating until the night before its due. Oh well..............fuck it................thats what I say (sometimes)

Anyway I'm glad to hear that you are feeling better and thanks for the warning about being a difficult person to cheer up. Like I said on my last post.............I try.

Well I'm off to bed for some much needed sleep.

Cake Day?!?!?! I was pretty sure my work sucked, now Im positive. Bills are ultra whack. Sometimes I think about just dissappearing and wandering the Earth like Sammy L in Pulp Fiction.

it's always easier to write things out then to actually talk about them. there's a strange kind of disconnection to it that seems to work in that way. i can not vocally talk about what i'm feeling. i don't know if that's a guy thing or if it's just a jackass thing but i'm working on it none the less. but i can write down anything in fine detail and it feels right to me for some reason. And about the money thing. i'm broke. (always freakin broke... ) all my freinds are broke. (always broke.) it's kind of funny that the only person that i bought a present for is my x-step father and i hate his ass.but as for me and my freinds. it's cards all the way around. shit the only reason i'm bothering with the cards is because they would be hurt if i didn't. it ain't my religion....
anyway. sorry to see that your having family problems, as well as relationship problems. if you knew me you would know why i ain't touching the subject. i am just not the right person to answer that. all i can say is that what is gonna happen is gonna happen and you ain't gonna expect the result. just sit back and ride the waves and try not to get pulled under if it knocks you down...
i hope that your month gets better. later lass.

Hey....I stumbled in here only to say that you are fucking hot!

No your right a picture can't lie.

Why so down?

Hope it doesn't last too long.

chipper up little soldier... it can't rain all the time.
i hope that whatever's got you blue works itself out, and if it don't theirs always md 20/20. that will take away your problems at least till you wake up the next day next to a babbling midget who seems to want to sing 30's crooner music to you but he sounds more like froggy from the little rascals then bing crosby...lol
ahhhh. beer. the cause... and the cure of all lifes problems...
it's kind of hard to give a pep talk to someone when i don't know why their down... i'm trying though. hey. i put my collection of gingersnaps pics up in my pic section. i finally figured out how. maybe looking at them and some of my miscellanious leavings will cheer you up. just don't look at the me and my freinds folder. i don't wanna depress you any more then you might be already...lol
later. take care. hope whatever it is works out for you.
if robert smith saw your pic. he would weep. (lead singer of the cure)

I don't know about sleeping all day. I know sometimes I feel like I could but I just think at some point I would be tired of sleeping (if that makes any fucking sense at all).

Sorry you're so lonely. Wish there was something I could do to kill that feeling.

My Friday night will be me going to the lame ass arcade. (I shouldn't say that I enjoy the place, sometimes too much)

But other than that this weekend will be about papers and studying.

he's actually sleeping for like fifteen hours? lucky bastard...lol.. i sleep for more then six i think that i've wasted the day...lol
powdered cappucino is da bomb though!!!! i love hills brothers french vanilla and english toffee. in fact i think that when i'm done writing this i'm gonna go make myself some.... yum>
anyway. it's still friday night. about eleven thirty where i am. i worked two jobs today and am as tired as hell. but the good news is i work at a pizza place that has a buffet for my second job and i raided it before i left. man. this time last week i was moshing my ass off to disturbed and matallica at a place called the hot spot in my town... blitzed off my ass and actually enjoying myself.... it was keen...lol...keen...
today the coolest thing was that i had pizza...yay!!!!. I'm bored out my freakin skull!!!! lol
so i'm listening to deicide and writing this to you. i love them. almost my favorite band. black metal...
and tomorrow night i get to work again, a whopping three hours that doesn't even seem worth moving for, but hey...more buffet. you think after four years of working for a pizza place you'd get sick of pizza but you don't...
anyway. i would go out after work tomorrow, but as with you, funds are lacking... rent week. always the brokest of the month...
so i'm gonna hang out with sinister christopher. my best freind and happy malcontent... it should be cool, although i'd rather be out drinking with him, he doesn't drink, and get this. he's irish. full blooded, doesn't drink. if ever there was a contradiction...lol
anyway. i hope that you get some sleep and your boy wakes up and you guys get to do something fun and awsomely wonderfulll.
later.
it is 11:38 pm. time for cappucinno....

[Edited on Dec 10, 2004 9:40PM]

I'll be the judge of whether I get bored or not missy

if IT is your ting and if it pays more then why not?

If you want to know about what my presentations were about you can check out my update from today..........

I actually had two I forgot about one of them but I was still prepared so it turned out fine.

Other than that just glad the day is over.

You got yourself a deal

I actually don't eat McDonalds anymore anyway cause I never really liked it and I'm trying (thats the important word here trying) to stop eating fast food.

So I officially swear off McDonalds for good.

sorry to hear about the bagel dibocal and the slushing... that must have sucked. it's cool that you have insane co workers though. so do i. i work at a charcoal factory, where most of the guys that i work with have records for methlabs or bounced checks. but they are all nuts. we have a heating shed at work and one of the guys will hide up there and piss off the boss who can never find him. our boss is insane also. he just watches all the crap that we pull that we aren't supposed to do and smiles., and i swear i've seen him throw his hands in the air and walk out of the bagging shed(where we bag lump charcoal and get it ready to ship.) followed by quite a few pretty big pieces of coal that certain members of the staff. (me, and a few namelessly named people) wing at his dumb ass. lol
we are cruel....
hope you enjoy subway. i have eaten there many a time(not jared many) and i have never spewed personally. i kinda feel sorry for clyde though. if he's lucky though. maybe he's got a quiznos in town.... mmmmmmmmm.... quiznos....lol
later lass.