Wednesday Dec 03, 2003

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I have a paper due for a class. This paper is supposed to be a personal development plan. The premise is supposed to articulate who I was, who I am, and who I want to be.

This paper has been impossible for me to write. I've sat down and tried to write it time after time. I've made some headway. I never realized how much of a part of my life my mom was, until I sit down and try to put on paper where I came from. I just can't write it without breaking down. I try to compartmentalize, to put my emotions away and look at this in a purely academic standpoint. That doesn't work. I'm almost glad that it doesn't. It lets me know that im still alive, I suppose.
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ryan:
i know you may not want to use it for a paper for class... i can understand that. but i have found that some of my best pieces for school work reflected some issue.. like for instance, i used my bulimia for a topic of one paper, OCD for another, my dead beat dad for yet another. it's wierd, but you know all those things that you hvae inside.. they really come out in your papers and make them much more passionate. your instructors/professors will see that...
you don't even have to write the whole thing about your situation... you could just use it as a segway into how you percieve stuff now... you could start it out talking about how you used to look at stuff... then this happened, and NOW this is how you see everything... you don't even have to elaborate on it..
whatever you do, good luck.. i miss school so much.. one month.. one month... i will be back in school..
kiss
toria:
I'm really sorry to use a television reference, but bear in mind I hate TV and commercialized garbage. But I just watched the first episode of the HBO show Six Feet Under. It reminded me of your situation, of the difficulty of trying to express and grapple with such a profound, primal, even animalistic emotion as grief, through such avenues as a school paper. I hope that made sense.
The fact that "normal life" needs to resume itself is something that I think NEEDS to be questioned after the death of someone close to you. Things that were hallmarks of everyday life are now subject to much more thought. Being able to write a paper about your life may have been an easy task for you before, or maybe not. I just hope you have a prof that you can talk to if need be... don't let this weigh on you. All in all it's just one paper. Once it's done, it's done. The same can't be said for grief, I'm afraid.
Any way the paper writing goes, I hope you're okay.
smile

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