exploded

First off, I want to thank everyone for their amazing support, and thoughts during all of this (If you don't know, read the previous entry). You guys are really all awesome.

Well, the funeral was Saturday. That was really tough. I'm very thankful that they had the family visitation before the public visitation. Everyone in my family was really torn up, including myself. I didn't know if when I saw her, I would recognize her. I didn't really recognize my grandma at the funeral, after she died. It took me about half an hour to be able to go up to the casket and even look. I couldn't even look in the direction of the casket. Once I finally got the courage, I lost it. After that point, most of the funeral is really a blur. I remember shaking a lot of people's hands. People that I didn't know. People that told me how much I've grown. Which is funny, since I haven't gotten any taller in about 8 years. I didn't really know those people either, on second thought. Everyone was really nice, in that really awkward sort of way.

The reception line was the most awkward, and wrong thing I've probably ever had to do. I didn't want to talk to these people. They didn't want to talk to me. They didn't know what to say, and neither did I.

The funeral.

My sister gave the closest thing to a eulogy. It was really beautiful. I'm starting to cry thinking about it.

...I think I'm done for right now.