exning

It's getting colder in the rooms and its reminding me of San Jose. That bitter taste in my mouth from last year when we use to drink and be shy about kissing.
As he rubs my back and speaks to me, I close my eyes and pretend it's you. The way you use to touch me, that specific smell you had. I opened my eyes forgetting I wasn't with you. Why does it take so long to erase memories that just hurt? That burning in my chest of a relief wanting to come out, yet I know there's nothing I can do about it. I hate when the weather changes.
All it does is remind me. I feel like I can't fully enjoy the cold, a hot tea, that first rain because everything was with you. He stops from rubbing my back, "Does that bother you?" he says. No, it doesn't. I can keep on pretending you are him, and I fall asleep.