exning

The summer is over?

Lately I don't even feel like writing becuase my life has been endless tasks. Not saying that's a bad thing, just means I generally don't have anything to complain about and I'm getting tired of getting angry at people for shit that won't matter in a few months anyway. This summer someone I love (and still love, of course) betrayed me and left me for someone else. I moved home, which was the one thing I told myself I would never do. I found friends that understood me and lost the ones that just don't get it.
For right now, i dont mind being stuck here because now i know what's out there and I'm not afraid anymore. I know I can leave, and I probably will within this year again, but the only rush is my mother telling me I need to transfer. When I lived in San Jose, I knew I had friends in the valley, but now i know I really have people that aren't necessarily friends, but people that get it. That's all I really need to know, that there are those people out there, whether or not they are close to me.
I made over 2 to 3 thousand dollars, got my license, got a car, and drive my ass everywhere now. I have a boyfriend that I don't have to worry about and that helps me out when I need it, but not because I want it. I've lost contact with pretty much everyone in San Jose whether on my part or theirs. The love of my life, Rufus, died unexpectadly and now lives in the ground by the driveway he hears my car from.
I think I've just felt a little bit empty because I've been so busy with being a normal social person to actually play guitar and write music, or paint, or overanalyze and stress about things that don't really matter. Keeping to myself didn't do me all that good it seems like, I can't decide if im losing part of my old self or just gaining a new part. Anyway, here's to the summer.


(posted from my personal journal)