existentialsex4

New post! Wow! What a trip it has been! I finished my MA and defended my thesis. It was passed with no revisions necessary. Next, I went to a sex worker's rights conference and presented a paper on Sexual Oppression, Disability, and Sex Work. The conference was insane and the pool party they had the night before I left was utter debauchery. I loved it! Although I didn't drink, there was so much that kept me high all night. First, there was burlesque performances near the pool. There was a live DJ and hip hop performance. And then the nudity came in large quantities all night, until 2am, when the hotel had to close the pool. That is when several strippers, escorts, pornstars, and one academic hobbled our way to our rooms, with our minds buzzing with all the festivities that night, for a restless sleep.

As soon as I came home, I went to my sisters wedding. It was an okay gathering, but largely uneventful. I was eager to move to Montreal and get my new life started. Now, I am here, settled in my bachelor apartment, amongst my books, eager to start my research on romantic love. It's actually a little lonely out here. I am far away from my family, and although I have managed to get together with new friends every week, I still can't help but feel like I am on the verge of something tragic happening. A feeling that I will have some insurmountable barrier, and I will be left here stranded in Montreal in my own misery. Perhaps this is an irrational fear, but it lurks in the back of my mind. I try daily to be mindful of it, and have managed to self sooth. Nonetheless, it is a persistent but tame fear.

I love Montreal. The city is one of the sexiest cities I've ever been. The women here are very beautiful, old and young. I feel a bit out of place here, and my previous insecurities are creeping in again. I think I will have to practice self compassion to counteract this insecurity. I know it stems from me measuring myself up to others and finding myself lacking. I know it is because I desire to be accepted by others. I have not been vigilant enough with myself about these feelings, and once again, I have allowed them to penetrate my life to an uncomfortable degree. Nonetheless, things are good! I am so excited about my research. I am excited about being on my own here. It's like a little adventure! We will see what my future here entails, but I'm excited to see where it leads and who I will meet along the way in my life's journey.

That's all I really have to report today.

I have been listening to this:



And I've been keeping myself busy with school. Take care, all my little SGers!