existentialsex4

I just laid the security deposit down for my new apartment. I'm so terrified and excited. I have never moved out of my parent's place before and I have so much I need to figure out. I'm disabled, and the place is totally accessible, I can cook, clean and everything. The issue is, I can't drive, and I'm limited to paratransit which I have to book in advance. I've arranged for someone to do the shopping for me, so that's fine. I can take handi-bus to school, and work. I suppose I can get my roomie to take me to the bank every once in a while so I can get rent out, and money for the groceries. There is a million things racing through my mind right now, and I'm a little panicky. My brain is spinning all of the possible scenarios where I might need help, but quickly resolves them with solutions. I think I'm ready for this, but I feel sick to my stomach about possibly getting in trouble and not having a solution to resolve it.

At the same time this is really needed. I have never lived outside of home, I was in school up until last year so that I could save money to officially move out. I always relied on my parents for assistance, and now that is going to be gone. I'm disabled, so it's understandable that I stayed so long at home, but now it's really hitting home how much responsibility I'm going to have. Independence is something that is strongly needed to experience and learn what sort of things I will face in the big bad world. I no longer want to rely on my parents for assistance. Sure, they will be there if there's any real trouble, but it's going to be just me and the world now. I'm going to be all on my own. How liberating and how frightening.