existentialsex4

In the movie "The Visitor", near the beginning of the movie the central character seems lost. He is smart, and intelligent, but the character that is presented reflects a deep lacking in a close human connection. He is trudging through life, sitting alone at the dinner table in the cafeteria, distant in meetings, and tries but fails to learn how to play piano. His heart seems damaged and lacking. It is at this stage that I felt I was at and to some degree still am struggling with. Some say that it is possible to die of a broken heart, but little is said about living with one. Sometimes it feels like I am living with a broken heart. It's not that intense feeling that we feel right after a break up, the intense sadness that brings you to tears. It's not intense, I can even laugh and make jokes. It was a penetrating sadness I have never felt before. Although I must say, with counseling I am beginning to feel stronger and more connected. Weekends are still difficult, there is not a lot to do but study or do some art. I suppose I could put more of an effort into finding something, anything to do that might be fun for the weekend, but the truth is I'm busy lately and by the end of the week I'm pretty tired.

Perhaps once I get in the semesters groove I'll take some photography or art classes or something. Something to do on the weekends to connect more.