I find myself ever wondering what it is to feel right.
Pretty much my whole life I've felt as if something has been wrong. Be it the place I live, the way I look, what I do with my time.
I can talk to people and listen to them, but I can't talk about myself. I find ways to help people, but I can't find a single way to help myself. I often fault on my own advice and give into my vices. I'm overly critical on myself and that transfers on to others because of it.
What it would be to find out what it is that I am to do with my life. Purpose.
I guess you could mistake purpose for hope, but I don't feel that's the case. I don't need hope. I'm fine with whatever approach is brought to the modern world about the fatality of us all. I would just like to know exactly what it is that I'm supposed to do while I'm here.
People I know say it's all in relation to some underlying depression. Which if I may note is bullshit. I'm not unhappy. Not really at all. I just think too much. So much that if it weren't for the fact I dwindle away my (so far) meaningless existence on this computer that I might have done something with my capabilities at this point.
I feel like school is worthless. I go there to learn, and it seems all they want to do is repeat the same old story every day. I guess it is a building block, but because of my hatred for local public schools my grades were less than satisfactory for any real hope in this society.
I guess for now, I'll just continue burning cells on Flux's topics, and learn some nice things along the way. It's been a long time since I've been able to talk (or read something in this case) with someone with such an extensive intellect as she has so chosen to express with everyone here. It is a nice change to read good articles, and speak with other members about them. At least with members who read and try their best to interpret the article. Since the only really challenging people I've had the honor of talking with in my life lately can get about as deep as to the percentage and proof of alcohols.
Wish there were more interesting people with more knowledge that were friends of mine. Unfortunately I'm in one of the biggest "drug and alcohol abuse" states. Which sticks me around a lot of people who I have to talk about useless topics with or they call "bullshit" and change it to something they better understand.
... Books might help. We'll see about those. If only it weren't for the whole "staying-awake" part... might be able to do it.
Pretty much my whole life I've felt as if something has been wrong. Be it the place I live, the way I look, what I do with my time.
I can talk to people and listen to them, but I can't talk about myself. I find ways to help people, but I can't find a single way to help myself. I often fault on my own advice and give into my vices. I'm overly critical on myself and that transfers on to others because of it.
What it would be to find out what it is that I am to do with my life. Purpose.
I guess you could mistake purpose for hope, but I don't feel that's the case. I don't need hope. I'm fine with whatever approach is brought to the modern world about the fatality of us all. I would just like to know exactly what it is that I'm supposed to do while I'm here.
People I know say it's all in relation to some underlying depression. Which if I may note is bullshit. I'm not unhappy. Not really at all. I just think too much. So much that if it weren't for the fact I dwindle away my (so far) meaningless existence on this computer that I might have done something with my capabilities at this point.
I feel like school is worthless. I go there to learn, and it seems all they want to do is repeat the same old story every day. I guess it is a building block, but because of my hatred for local public schools my grades were less than satisfactory for any real hope in this society.
I guess for now, I'll just continue burning cells on Flux's topics, and learn some nice things along the way. It's been a long time since I've been able to talk (or read something in this case) with someone with such an extensive intellect as she has so chosen to express with everyone here. It is a nice change to read good articles, and speak with other members about them. At least with members who read and try their best to interpret the article. Since the only really challenging people I've had the honor of talking with in my life lately can get about as deep as to the percentage and proof of alcohols.
Wish there were more interesting people with more knowledge that were friends of mine. Unfortunately I'm in one of the biggest "drug and alcohol abuse" states. Which sticks me around a lot of people who I have to talk about useless topics with or they call "bullshit" and change it to something they better understand.
... Books might help. We'll see about those. If only it weren't for the whole "staying-awake" part... might be able to do it.
I just wish that there was more I could do now. I guess helping the people I know is enough to be considered a valid reason of life. At the same time though, I do wish I could improve on some self things too.
Perhaps just a lack (or misplaced) motivation... hmm...