evy

So, my two best friends in the entire world are Ellen and Steve. I haven't had any best friends in a long time because we went our seperate ways, broke up, or I was in a phase where I thought there was no such thing as a real "best" friend. But, I can honestly say, I think Ellen is one of my soulmates. We never fight, argue, we tell each other EVERYTHING, she calls me crying and she doesn't normally cry to people AT ALL (it really is a big deal), and she is alot like me in alot of the most important ways.

Steve, well, he's different. I've really really missed having a male best friend since my last one ended in some very not good terms that took us until the last year to start working through and talking again. I like Steve alot and think he's a really fun guy to just chill with, which is something I don't find often any more. I've always been a TomBoy and had more male friends than girl until recently. It seems like these days you can't be friends with a guy unless you mess around, date, or he's gay and I hate that. Steve was my one straight male friend who was cool and didn't want to fuck me or date me, and now I'm not sure.

I keep getting this vibe that he likes me and, I'm not gonna lie, I like him too, I think. I don't want to. I'm not sure I'm ready to head down the relationship path with someone I consider such a good friend again. Of the few times I've tried it, I've lost some really good friends. I don't want to lose Steve as a friend, but I want to see about maybe more.

The day I broke up with Ian, he was one of the first people I told and I promptly asked him to go with me to Kari and Brian's wedding. I'm going with him to his formal. We talk every day. I showed up at his house after work last night and we talked and joked around until 3 when some of his damn frat brothers came in and even then I was still there until 3:30.

I'm just not super sure what to do.






Forgive me for the seemingly shallow and petty nature of this post. I have alot going on in my life that I can't talk about and is really killing me and causing me a great deal of stress. But, like I said, I can't get it off my chest yet, so I'm just letting go of the little stuff like this so I don't completely explode or something.







Worst entry ever.