I hate this, I honestly do.
I feel like I've already made the decision without even talking to you and that isn't what I wanted to do, but it's not my fault I haven't talked to you. You don't return calls or e-mails. You don't even IM me. You don't do anything to keep this healthy and active and I'm tired of feeling like I'm jumping through hopes to please you and to keep you from being too scared off or insecure. You have some major issues, buddy, and you need to learn to admit this openly and realize that you need help that you are currently unable to give to yourself. Admitting you have a problem and making steps to help it are the first signs of real emotional and life profress.
Why do you close yourself off so fiercly? I've met your family and they seem nice and loving, apart from you brother but even you admit he's definitely the black sheep. I just don't see what in your past made you like this. I understand you've felt the bitter sting of rejection, but we wouldn't be human if we hadn't and, while I generally don't like to compare pains such as this, I have to say mine bit a little harder than yours. That one incident can't really be what's shaping you into this person that you are now. And if it is, you have a very severe case of arrested development. How many years ago was that? That's what I thought.
I don't think that you realize how deeply what you are doing is hurting me. It's like we already are having nothing to do with each other and I don't want that. Even if I do what I'm beginning to think I must, I don't want that to be the end of it all. You are too precious to me. What you've meant to me in recent times is more than anyone has in a long time. Maybe that's why it hurts so much. I don't really know. I just know that right now, I need you to be the opposite of what you are. I need you to not push me to the very back of your mind. I need you to return my calls and e-mails. I need you to make some effort at the maintanence of this, whatever it has become. I left because I was sick (mentally and physically) and scared of where I was headed and I wanted to get better, I wanted to be me again, that didn't mean I wanted you to act like I was never there in the first place.
I guess what I'm saying is, I love you and you are the first person I've felt this way about in a really long time. It's tearing me up that you are acting this way, no matter your reason, and it's something you should work on or I can't handle the stress and heartahce it's causing me any longer. I'm so happy when I'm with you, but this distance seems terrible and it's nothing like I thought it would be. Maybe when people asked me if we were breaking up while I was away I should have taken it as an omen that we would, and if we don't really talk about this this weekend, we are going to - by my hand. I'd rather have this temporary heart ache than deal with it in this unending cycle.
I love you, Steve, but even your friends think this is getting a bit ridiculous.
I feel like I've already made the decision without even talking to you and that isn't what I wanted to do, but it's not my fault I haven't talked to you. You don't return calls or e-mails. You don't even IM me. You don't do anything to keep this healthy and active and I'm tired of feeling like I'm jumping through hopes to please you and to keep you from being too scared off or insecure. You have some major issues, buddy, and you need to learn to admit this openly and realize that you need help that you are currently unable to give to yourself. Admitting you have a problem and making steps to help it are the first signs of real emotional and life profress.
Why do you close yourself off so fiercly? I've met your family and they seem nice and loving, apart from you brother but even you admit he's definitely the black sheep. I just don't see what in your past made you like this. I understand you've felt the bitter sting of rejection, but we wouldn't be human if we hadn't and, while I generally don't like to compare pains such as this, I have to say mine bit a little harder than yours. That one incident can't really be what's shaping you into this person that you are now. And if it is, you have a very severe case of arrested development. How many years ago was that? That's what I thought.
I don't think that you realize how deeply what you are doing is hurting me. It's like we already are having nothing to do with each other and I don't want that. Even if I do what I'm beginning to think I must, I don't want that to be the end of it all. You are too precious to me. What you've meant to me in recent times is more than anyone has in a long time. Maybe that's why it hurts so much. I don't really know. I just know that right now, I need you to be the opposite of what you are. I need you to not push me to the very back of your mind. I need you to return my calls and e-mails. I need you to make some effort at the maintanence of this, whatever it has become. I left because I was sick (mentally and physically) and scared of where I was headed and I wanted to get better, I wanted to be me again, that didn't mean I wanted you to act like I was never there in the first place.
I guess what I'm saying is, I love you and you are the first person I've felt this way about in a really long time. It's tearing me up that you are acting this way, no matter your reason, and it's something you should work on or I can't handle the stress and heartahce it's causing me any longer. I'm so happy when I'm with you, but this distance seems terrible and it's nothing like I thought it would be. Maybe when people asked me if we were breaking up while I was away I should have taken it as an omen that we would, and if we don't really talk about this this weekend, we are going to - by my hand. I'd rather have this temporary heart ache than deal with it in this unending cycle.
I love you, Steve, but even your friends think this is getting a bit ridiculous.