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Canada

Member Since 2003

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Thursday Oct 13, 2005

Oct 13, 2005
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I continue to struggle. Some days I do great, others I'm like some withering decrepit shell. It's pretty bad. Trust me on that.

From the comments, it's good to know I'm not alone, but at the same time it kind of reinforces what I was afraid of in that time is pretty much the only thing that will help me. Problem is I'm the kind of person that has trouble filling voids. I have the most trouble letting them fill in over time; if something is suddenly missing, I either try to get it back, or need to replace it with something equivelent as soon as possible.

On top of that, regret eats away at me like the plague. I tell myself that regret never helps, and it will just keep this pain around as it rips away at me. So far, my mind just refuses to listen. What a stubborn ass it is.

The worst thing is that she was one of my best friends. My other best friend is often out of town, and what was a group of friends I just don't trust in the way you should trust friends. It's also my first year out of school, so I don't even have that as a distraction - and with with about 40 hours of class and class work a week (not to mention at least 1-2 hours travel time a day) it would've helped a lot.

Too much emotional baggage, too much free time, too little outlets.
shifter:
How's the job hunting going?
Oct 13, 2005
tsukue:
It's nice to know that nature abhors a vacuum - so even if you're awful at filling voids, if you work at it just a tiny bit, it'll all coming rushing in at you.

I think my sis does the same thing when dealing with dating guys - she goes from one to the next to the next with no down time. I don't know how she does it. I don't like my down time and I don't necessarily like being alone but it's good to get to know myself and it's good to see how I can fill up the time with what I want to do.

Do you have work to fill up your time? How about more classes? Volunteering? Meeting people from here?

I like the idea that emotional baggage is baggae and not a something stuck to you like a tattoo. Because you can always throw away the luggage after a while but a tattoo has to be burned off.

Right - that's enough rambling from me (we're in the dating sucks group in case you were wondering where I popped up from). Hope the days get better.
Oct 13, 2005

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