what a weird night.
got out of work way early, at like 9 ish. headed to nashua to meet up with the wugglyump and then proceeded to meet up with my old friends from back in the day. friends that i sort of abandoned after erich and i got together, because i felt too guilty for the wrong reasons. i think i am at a cross roads right now. for the longest time, the fear of change, of the unknown, of losing what's so close to me has hindered my ability to progress, but i dunno, the past few monthes feel like if i don't take that gaint step [risk] then i am going to be stuck in this mundane limbo forever, and frankly, i am not ready for that. a 24 year old who harbors way too much talent to throw in the towel and become suzie-homemaker for the rest of her days. i just can't. i don't know how people my age do it, especailly when they inhibit so many dreams and aspirations. how can they give them all up and truly be okay with that??? i can't fathom it. i tried and i am miserable. but i kept telling myself that there's too much at risk, too much involved that can go wrong. i kept giving myself all these excuses to keep my dreams locked in the back of my mind. but erich IS right. it's not going to come to me, if i want it that bad i need to work for it. i'm tired of sitting back and silently observing. luckily my anxiety has been slowly diminishing, and although it still lingers can work above it.
enough of that. my eyes are puffy and i i have that "i;m still drunk" dizzy feeling even though i didn't get drunk. it must be from the lack of sleep and busy mind. my thoughts kept me awake to well past 6 in the morning. now it is 10. i need to shower, eat and drive back to nshua to drop off the child, then it's off to work. and tongiht when i get home, i am going to finish filling out that application and send it out tomorrow. and i am going to work on some projects that have been desperately needing my attention.
positive reenforcement is greatly apprecaited. i need it and thank you all in advance.
got out of work way early, at like 9 ish. headed to nashua to meet up with the wugglyump and then proceeded to meet up with my old friends from back in the day. friends that i sort of abandoned after erich and i got together, because i felt too guilty for the wrong reasons. i think i am at a cross roads right now. for the longest time, the fear of change, of the unknown, of losing what's so close to me has hindered my ability to progress, but i dunno, the past few monthes feel like if i don't take that gaint step [risk] then i am going to be stuck in this mundane limbo forever, and frankly, i am not ready for that. a 24 year old who harbors way too much talent to throw in the towel and become suzie-homemaker for the rest of her days. i just can't. i don't know how people my age do it, especailly when they inhibit so many dreams and aspirations. how can they give them all up and truly be okay with that??? i can't fathom it. i tried and i am miserable. but i kept telling myself that there's too much at risk, too much involved that can go wrong. i kept giving myself all these excuses to keep my dreams locked in the back of my mind. but erich IS right. it's not going to come to me, if i want it that bad i need to work for it. i'm tired of sitting back and silently observing. luckily my anxiety has been slowly diminishing, and although it still lingers can work above it.
enough of that. my eyes are puffy and i i have that "i;m still drunk" dizzy feeling even though i didn't get drunk. it must be from the lack of sleep and busy mind. my thoughts kept me awake to well past 6 in the morning. now it is 10. i need to shower, eat and drive back to nshua to drop off the child, then it's off to work. and tongiht when i get home, i am going to finish filling out that application and send it out tomorrow. and i am going to work on some projects that have been desperately needing my attention.
positive reenforcement is greatly apprecaited. i need it and thank you all in advance.
VIEW 8 of 8 COMMENTS
This is as positive as I get this early in the morning.
Luck to you.
Wraith
60:32:03:09:28
i hope that you can make the right choice for you and start to work for something you want! the thing i do know and understand is that the sooner you start towards something you like the sooner you can actually do that and get on with your life...and you will have that to do....and if you eventually obtain your goal, you will know what you want
yeah...i don't know where i'm going with this lol
hope you can figure it out!!