evilflapjack

This is sort of in reference to Goob's recent post about not wanting to watch all that's going on in New Olreans. It's weird, but I love to watch it, the horror and destruction. It's fascinating. I "like" to see people dead on the street or their heads smashed in, shit like that. I don't really want to say 'Like"--it's more like "strongly compelled to see" Not that I'm any bit happy that it happened to them. It's terrible and it makes me sad but for some reason I'm so drawn to images of death and destruction. But I'm also deeply moved by how people strengthen and survive and surmount these obstacles--that coming together of strangers in the wake of destruction to help eachother. Now you may say, why not just watch the rescue efforts, but I think the gruesome images move me to a state of emotion that I can't reach otherwise. Like on 9/11 I watched TV all day, absolutely horrified, yet I couldn't help WANTING to really see those people jumping out of the buildings and smashing into the pavement below. I was pissed they stopped showing clips. I kept flipping through channels that might be showing it. I wanted to really feel the horror of it. We're all just animals--vulnerable like the ant under your sneaker. But I get so much slack for looking at gruesome shit. Maybe I am a fucking freak. What do you people think? Some people understand, some think it's just in bad taste. I don't know, I can't really change what I like.