evewhiteeveblack

I'm doing a little better, but I think that I just don't understand or know or comprehend the concept of how to be married. Some people see it as security. I have felt nothing but insecurity, or anxiety, since we got married.

I feel like something terrible is going to happen. I feel the finality of things and like I can't live up to them or handle them. Or like in my true bad luck fashion, "here everything is, neatly packaged, now something bad will happen and ruin it all'. I can't trust my own flesh and blood family to care about me and be there for me.. how can I trust this one person to be there through thick and thin? Especially with all of my flaws?

I told him this in a very basic form. He didn't really respond.

I also have been not well with my illness and I'm confused. I don't know where I stop and start. I don't know where I stop and where that starts. The lines blur and cross. How do I feel and how much of how I feel is influenced by having to stop taking one of my medications? And start taking it again?

And having horrible PMS every month?

I have an appt on Friday with my OB/GYN about that.

Confused I am. I wake up every day and just hope and pray that nothing happens within me or with him or between us that causes another fight. I never know what it's going to be. And that scares me. I'm physically and emotionally weak right now and can't take anything much more.I need a long period of time without fighting. It leaves me nauseous, dizzy, teary and weak.

I have to go to work...