eventide

concentrate. con cen trate
no. i know. dont concentrate. instead open your mind. open your heart. like zen.

ok. here: so many things. the smell of these beeswax candles. candy. animals. even the word "animals". so many fucking things remind me of a being with her. fuck its the same old same o. its not love. i just want everyone to know that. its not its not its not its not its not its not its not
i dont want her as a girlfriend. why not? just to set the record straight. why not? why wouldnt i? lets just be perfectly clear about this: it would make me too happy. i neither want nor deserve nor trust nor believe in nor
would BELIEVE it. its not the point. it never was. its not what i want. what then? that is equally clear to me. perfectly clear. to work with her. to create more performance work. art. her energy, her truth. (shes a pathological lier -- but not to herself!!!!!) she is the most artist person i have ever met. her and frey i suppose. and helena, tho in a different way. and i - us together. it is magic. youve no idea. i cant stop thinking about it.

so fuck. yyou get the idea. less drugs. you can ffeel it right? its in every word. maniacal energy. kkeeepppp the fire. live in it. hide in it.

RIDE YOUR HORSE ALONG THE EDGE OF A SWORD
HIDE IN FLAMES!

zen saying.

hey want to hear something interesting?
remind me to tell you about the bird next time.

she would never ever ever do this. write in a thing like this. is the only difference between us. i mean its a big difference. it makes us opposites. one lives from the inside out the other from the outside in

meet in the middle

where sould meets body