Wednesday Sep 19, 2007

0
4 letters: s u r e.
not the longest letter ive ever received. but "sure" is pretty good. smile obviously it depends on the question. can i sleep with you tonight? or, if send a letter to this address, will it get to you? still, im happy to have heard from her. yes, i know, im one sick duck, but how do you know if the horse is dead if you dont beat it? you have to beat it. to be sure its dead. ha ha ha ha boo hoo hoo hoo. thank god my serratonin spiegel stimmts. im not really crying. boys dont. i just need to write her now. beat beat beat.

its been a year. do you understand? since we talked, or made love, or anything. or was it .,., yes two years. jesus. i mean since we made love, in a forest, near a hot springs in the california forest. i dont care about that though. there is something much bigger at stake. a piece. not just some fun dumn thing, well maybe fun, at moments, but also a real psycho drama.

ok, wanna hear something funny now: what if she says yes. do i really even want it anymore. ... this is as strange a feeling as any i ever known. as strange as wind. as strange as moist air and leaves falling.
eventide:
i went to the studio on my day off today. ("day off" from going to the studio i mean). not that i train that long and hard these days.,.,., but i am consistent!! came home high from choreography. this new loop is staggering. well, to me. today. i can hardly wait till fleur comes. MONDAY!!! then we dance till we drop. so much to do try . notes. and then theres big. and the letter. isnt that funny? i mean, in the sense of typical life irony. that now when i finally have her permission and her address, and a letter that has been approved by my closesst friends, exactly now, after so many days of thinking about it, burning about it, , that after all that, two years of all that, i have the chance and suddenly, IN THAT VERY MOMENT im not so sure anymore. i offer 20,000 clams for the project. and my right arm and my life blood. i think ill send it though. of course i will. i have to. i think. still the pause it interesting .

you know the kurasawa film woman of the dunes (maybe its not kurasawa)? the last scene. he finds the way out. he can escape, but doesnt. something has put it in perspective.
ohsoordinary:
Making love in forest. Sounds... complicated.

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