eventide

^rihgt. right. these last 2 months have been... im trying to remember a harder time. oof. i mean, i do have some things. a great bed. a great body. half a soul... but to live! instead i drift. i do work. i sleep. eat fluoxetine. right. but soon, im coming off. then im going to end of the end of the world - most northern...
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kayna:

I would find it so extraordinarily fulfilling to be able to cultivate my artistic, well, life, with someplace like Palindrome.. interesting to me that your soul is still drifting.. I had always assumed my soul would only drift untill I was able to become a part of something magical like Palindrome, always thought I'd finally be grounded... you're making me fear for myself, that I may never find someplace for me..

Jun 29, 2005

eventide:

hey it was nice to read your note. i think im turning a corner. spent the weekend in london again. just meeting random strangers, seeing art, looking for imspiration. the thing about palindrome is.. its not steady work. we do productions, yes, but then there are many months of - well like you said drift. and now ive got this uni job. i only need to be here 50% of the time, so in a ways its perfect. its steady income. enough, even at 50%! so i can make things. with beautiful artistic people. yes. today i see the beauty in things again - but its been a long time. i had this obsession thing- maybe i told you. ^with a friend. i still think shes god, and think of her an awful lot, ... but i feel today that i can almost live with this. breathe again. im starting to come off of pretty high doses of antidepressants. easy does it....

Jul 4, 2005

in San Francisco on tour! Anyone want to see our show next week? its part of the SF Intl. arts festival. i can probably even get you tickets. just look for palindrome. or.: http://www.SFIntlArtsFest.org or http://www.palindrome.de/bs.htm.
or come to a rehearsal if you want.

so how am i? nice of you to ask. hm. pain, pleasure. life is hard. drugs help... its funny, youd think...
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they say every new yorker either has , o r is looking for three things: a place to live, a boyfriend/girlfriend , a job.

well larry lost his place, i my love, helena her job. and we are in these holes. you know, if i had her lover, and she had his job. etc... i mean, partly i think we are all just aging dancers...
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what a journey! my best friend larry told me today that he is depressed too. maybe the worst in his life... like me. wow. i sort of knew. still, tonight my head is clear and the evil spirits are at bay. amazing. i love you all! thanks for the support. here is the opera page. we'll make a new one, with videos soon.

can i see? even a little bit? that there were moments, running around the campus through the golf course, when i felt i could see it all clearly, in one breath? when i was so out of breath, i could hardly think, and then life itself seemed to have a value. it never lasted long, but isnt it possible to see that as hopeful? something...
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