eventide

nachlssig.... nope. here i am!
sitting in the wiener cafe in freiburg.
i quit my professor job la la la! my friends are happy for me. my parents (and my boss) are not. oh well. fine. fuck 'em.
i was just in erfurt with nicole for 2 weeks, and now rehearsing 2-3 weeks with helena in freiburg --
working again was great. i am still...
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Dancers are the athletes of God.
- Albert Einstein

11-28-2005 22:32
dream
a small bird in a wooden cage
was my friend and traveling companion
my journey was by sea
swiming a vast ocean, and the bird house followed,
in the water it floated
and remained near me
the water was vast, like a real ocean. a little scary to be
sure
an island was nearby
so i swam for it
at first i...
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that i type on my laptop in the bathtub

or burn beeswax candles when i do,
and have arranged my wooden matches to make a great
labyrinth
on my window sill
or
that i, yet again, was the only person alone in the movie theater

its a long list

but it comes down to one thing:

inspiration and discipline are the same thing.
i used...
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i hid myself in flames today. i ran across that field in the photo there. i ran so hard i felt like someone else. YES!!!!


i worked on school shit mostly,. but i worked on palindrome too!!! i thought it and felt it. i feel that desire to create. my ideas are concrete enough. and i know how to get from here to there.

i...
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8 days.!!!! and im out of here. london for a week, then erfurt i think, then ober-something in schwaben. then maybe basel. iceland. i would go back to amsterdam. wwouulldd , were i fully ... recovered?. well, i am recovered. i just want to keep it that way. i... oh fuck it. ill probably end up there ... hope so. ; )


several times,
ive...
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i am soooooooooooooo bored
fuck
hang on.
2 more weeks. and then....
no idea.
no fucking idea!!! at least im not depressed

hi lar!

i stopped ssris!!!!! 5-Hydroxytryptamine (5-HT)
wow. free of psychotropics. sometimes i still feel them, its funny like the shadow of it remains. a fuzzy soft feeling around my skin. over my shoulder. when i turn my head slowly -- when im walking --from side to side i can feel it. maybe im feeling the natural seratonin in my brain. no idea. anyway, quite a weird...
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still standing. so they didnt fire me.
thats something. right?
cant wait to get out of here though. end of november!!!
yearn to be artistic again....

hello my friends. i know this is a kind of humor, a suicide humor. almost got fired this week. still might. but funny thing is i am happy... weird huh? its like , i dont know, like sha la la la la la live for today......

ok. a whiner. nooooo more
from now on this and this and this
did you ever read magic mountain (sauber berg)?
guy goes to this sanatorium place in the mountains
for a few days, cause he has a cold he cant seem to shake
but he ends up staying 7 years.
7 fucking years.
im at this college, doing this job
which some respect
and...
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these nights i say "go away!"
many times
to ghosts.
they annoy me, like gnats. so i
run as fast as i can
i turn my head hard to one side
can hardly wait for sleep.
to be gone. free.

what i really want is to be frozen.
to save me. so i will have me left
when i have again something real and substantial...
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