eventide

dumn post. lets try again. since monaco, actually since i left for monaco, im waking up clean. im clean man.

so moving forward. i think. friends. stones.

hello to all my many readers and fans out there. (get it?) hello!!!
hello.
for someone for whom sex was so important in life, to bemoan my age... dont you see? me, here. and this pain... what else. i just wonder.,., i just wish i knew what jit was. see? why..
i mean who i am ...

wow that was a bit dark. dont want to leave like that. so here, girls, here boys, here:::
um... i am making a new dance. 3 beautiful dancers i have hired with my last money. we've worked 6 hours a day now for 6 weeks. its about catastrophies. what else. its nearing its first show. actually we do one for the for farmers and their...
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anyone out there have any experience with suicide?
hmmm. can you do it and change your mind later?

maybe its time. i did a good life. really im happy with it. but maybe its enough now.
im not depressed, just have an unusual opinion. what better piece of art can there be?
and, in my case, how little it would matter to anyone. ive pretty...
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work work work, work work. quack quack.- im glad i have a piece. how to make it break through. plead. care. believe. i have good artists. young. dedicated. professional. i mean, its coming. in my bed tonight. fuck, what a hard morning. i ... o never mind. a bit more relaxed now. xes sex.

i have a great sex life. lots of sex, imaginative. powerful....
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in b ed reeasssoonably early. im reasonably reasonable. rehearsing. sometimes you feel so good in the evening, after creating you feel alive. its a strange and irrational thing that is, i dont really THINK about what i am making sometimes and yet it it fuels me i guess. unseen. its a nice dance. maybe the best chunk of pure movement i have ever made. who...
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es war schn von dir zu hren. das leben ist so ... es geht wahrscheinlich viele leute so, aber es gibt dinge, eine reihe von dinge wo ich einfach nicht daran denken soll o. darf. verbotene gedanken. leider gibt es kein siegel. kein art gedanken lscher oder ausserhalb reichweite zu stellen. drogen helfen gar nicht fr mich. viel viel sport, langsam auch nicht. arbeit, ja,...
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probe started. the Girls are here. well, 2 of them.... first day done. 5 hours we worked. 5 down, 180 to go!!! wow. zohwy. whats IT going to be?
ITs in my hands i guess. or ours... mostly mine. they are good. and hard working... bin gespannt. ooooooooh.

in the empty studio, my last day alone. the first two dancers arrive tonight! one month of time with them. cleaned, actually painted, the house for the past 3 days. want them to feel happy and welcomed. its still an old farm house. i hate the tub, and the fact that the water is never really HOT. i mean, its not actually a place i...
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dear helena,
day five.
feeling inspired getting into bed. i mean, full and ,. its not that i know what i want from this piece, but i know i want SOMETHING. and this feeling that all of this means something. that life means something - to have this feeling again. is wonderful. but there is another side to it too helena. that i am alone....
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what was i saying? oh yes, THE HARDEST THING F ALL. right. sitting in front of this wood stove, listening to the warm crackles... tomorrow i meet margit. she ll know what to do...
the girls come on the 6th. i want a chunk of choreography by then.

hey, we got in the festival in monaco!!! yey! there is only enough support for two dancers,...
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show went well. really well. we be good. too bad we re splitting up. well, maybe we re not. or not completely. lets see what comes along.

the question before me now is... starting back. yes, making things like that, is not the same as making things you believe in. and working with opera singers is not the same as working with dancers. the difference...
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