evangeline

I didn't sign up for this.

Not one person you see today elected to be born. Not one.

Shalom Alusander is my new favorite author:

'God,' says Joel Osteen, 'wants you to enjoy life to the fullest.'
Has anyone ever punched Joel Osteen in the face? I mean really just hauled off and clocked that fucker right in the face? The teeth look new, so maybe somebody has.
There is a New England based clothing company called Life is Good. They sell t-shirts that say LIFE IS GOOD and hats that say LIFE IS GOOD. They sell backpacks, too. Here's what the backpacks say: LIFE IS GOOD. They are extremely popular. You know why? Because life isn't good. Because $25 is a pretty good deal for a 100-percent cotton bold-faced lie. I'd pay a hundred times that for someone to just tell me the truth. To fess up. For Joel Osteen to stand onstage, look into the camera God wants him to be on, and say 'Fuck it. Fuck it all. Life is a pile of shit but I get my teeth whitened every month, and that's how I get through it. Find your own way, my children. For me, it's BrightSmile.'


Anyway. My tuition payment is due today. I've tried every possible tactic to raise money. Sold my bivouac on craigslist. At the last second the guy decided he would look for one more locally cause he was in Texas City.

I tried selling prints. But as soon as I mention payment possibilities suddenly no one is getting back to me.

Overdrafted my account because, naturally, the automatic payment for my car went through minutes before the direct deposit from my paycheck came through.

I had to get to work at 7 am today to watch the cleaner even though I was up til three last night watching the next door apartments burn down. 28 people lost their homes and I regret that but all I could think of was the fantastic garden they had in the middle and imagining I could hear all the plants screaming like the trees in ferngully.

I no longer have an engagement ring. I don't even know how to tell my mother.

It hurts to breathe or talk because I cracked a rib in a bar fight at beauty bar Sunday night. Alright, it was actually a pillow fight but those bitches were TOUGH. It also didn't help that I had been drinking on the river for six hours and was dehydrated and sunburnt and when it was all said and done I won a hundred dollars, got as far as Red7 and puked EVERYWHERE. I wasn't even drunk anymore but I looked like the drunk asshole girl and the weird thing was it smelled like Dos Equis even though that was like, the on ething I hadn't drank that day.

What the fuck is the world? What is the world that I have to search my car for quarters to pay my late court costs and tuition fees and amazing people like Corey Feldman are molested as a kid but not by Michael Jackson???? WTF???

Whatever. It's not all bad. I start my new job at the Town Lake Animal Shelter on Monday, which is basically my dream pre-graduation job. And the guy that decided not to buy my bivouac was a really nice man.

In case you didn't know, I'm selling prints. Of whatever, really. The originals from the Mugshots set or from Dear John I guess, too. Just let me know. And I'm selling a bivouac.

I fell in love in that bivouac once. Does that mean nothing to you, world????