Friends, Romans, countrymen, send me your cheers!
Hear comes March, truly in like a lion. Only a lion from somewhere cold and disgusting, not a normal lion from warm sunny Africa. It might snow tonight. That's ridiculous.
Especially ridiculous because i will be working tonight at Perfect 10 Gentlemen's Club. It'll be fun, i will be dancing and naked and gyrating and hopefully drunk. Come and join me! Anyone in townyet for SX? Come by! Spend some time with me! Spend some moeny on me! Make it rain up in da club...
I tried to convince Austinites today to wear western shirts and boots for the next week just to further perpetuate the stereotype that Texans are cowboys. Nobody was having it, but really the truth is that hipster kids look like that anyway.
Anyone staying downtown during SX? Last week i thought it would be a pleasant surprise to show up at my boyfriend's work towards the end of his shift with a giant hurricane vase full of twizzlers and covered in cat stickers. He's a chef at a fine dining restaurant at a prominent Austin hotel. It ended being not as cute of an idea as i thought it would be.
I shall share it with you in a one act.
Hotel Bar, Sunday night. Enter EVANGELINE, bedecked in American Apparel purple shorts, u-plunge top and cowboy boots holding giant hurricane vase containing two pounds of twizzlers and gummy bears. A room full of bougie BUSINESSMEN stop all conversation and leer creepily at her. She takes the lone empty seat at the bar.
BARKEEP: (eyes her suspiciously) What can i get for you?
EVANGELINE: (to herself) Don't say vodka/redbull...think of something classy...(aloud) Gin and tonic, please.
BUSINESSMAN #1: (familiarly touching her back) How are you doing tonight?
EVANGELINE: (confused and icked out) Umm...fine.
BARKEEP: Here you go. Gin and tonic.
BUSINESSMAN #2: (thick Russian accent) You should never drink alone. Cheers!
EVANGELINE: Oh, Cheers.
BUSINESS MAN#2: What brings you out tonight?
EVANGELINE: (surveys room, feels extremely awkward before suddenly realizing they all think she is a high-end call girl trolling for clients) I'M HEAR TO SEE MY BOYFRIEND! He works here. This is for him (indicates vase) He's a chef.
BUSINESSMAN#2: Oh, that's nice. (indicates salad) Did he make htis?
EVANGELINE: Probably.
BM2: Tell him next time less feta cheese. I'm Alex.
EVAGNELINE: Oh, nice to meet you.
(conversatoins insues about petty smalltalk)
ALEX: SO when your boyfriend gets here do you think you'll fight?
EVANGELINE: WHy would we fight? I don't think so...
ALEX: Well, if you do fight, my room number is 1526. Call the front desk and ask for me, If he yell at you, I will take you out we havenice time and nobody needs to know.
EVANGELINE: Ooookay.
(more conversatoin that eventually comes around to nationality)
ALEX: You're from Israel? Where?
EVANGELINE: Chaifa.
ALEX: That is one place i have never been in Israel. So you are Jewish? So am i, I am from Russia.
EVANGELINE: Oh, i have ancestors from Russia.
ALEX: Of course you do, all Jews are from Russia.
EVAGNELINE: I don't think...oh Russell!
RUSSELL enters, pleased to see his girlfriend, more pleased to see twizzlers, appearingly nonplussed to the lecherous glances.
ALEX: Ah! You are Israeli also?
EVANGALINE: Ha! No, he's Irish. He's white, basically. He's a gentile.
ALEX: That's okay, all i have been with are shiksas.
Russel, mouthful of twizzlers, and Evangeline, eager to leave behind her half-full gin and tonic, say their goodbyes to Alex and exit.
For reals.
Hear comes March, truly in like a lion. Only a lion from somewhere cold and disgusting, not a normal lion from warm sunny Africa. It might snow tonight. That's ridiculous.
Especially ridiculous because i will be working tonight at Perfect 10 Gentlemen's Club. It'll be fun, i will be dancing and naked and gyrating and hopefully drunk. Come and join me! Anyone in townyet for SX? Come by! Spend some time with me! Spend some moeny on me! Make it rain up in da club...
I tried to convince Austinites today to wear western shirts and boots for the next week just to further perpetuate the stereotype that Texans are cowboys. Nobody was having it, but really the truth is that hipster kids look like that anyway.
Anyone staying downtown during SX? Last week i thought it would be a pleasant surprise to show up at my boyfriend's work towards the end of his shift with a giant hurricane vase full of twizzlers and covered in cat stickers. He's a chef at a fine dining restaurant at a prominent Austin hotel. It ended being not as cute of an idea as i thought it would be.
I shall share it with you in a one act.
Hotel Bar, Sunday night. Enter EVANGELINE, bedecked in American Apparel purple shorts, u-plunge top and cowboy boots holding giant hurricane vase containing two pounds of twizzlers and gummy bears. A room full of bougie BUSINESSMEN stop all conversation and leer creepily at her. She takes the lone empty seat at the bar.
BARKEEP: (eyes her suspiciously) What can i get for you?
EVANGELINE: (to herself) Don't say vodka/redbull...think of something classy...(aloud) Gin and tonic, please.
BUSINESSMAN #1: (familiarly touching her back) How are you doing tonight?
EVANGELINE: (confused and icked out) Umm...fine.
BARKEEP: Here you go. Gin and tonic.
BUSINESSMAN #2: (thick Russian accent) You should never drink alone. Cheers!
EVANGELINE: Oh, Cheers.
BUSINESS MAN#2: What brings you out tonight?
EVANGELINE: (surveys room, feels extremely awkward before suddenly realizing they all think she is a high-end call girl trolling for clients) I'M HEAR TO SEE MY BOYFRIEND! He works here. This is for him (indicates vase) He's a chef.
BUSINESSMAN#2: Oh, that's nice. (indicates salad) Did he make htis?
EVANGELINE: Probably.
BM2: Tell him next time less feta cheese. I'm Alex.
EVAGNELINE: Oh, nice to meet you.
(conversatoins insues about petty smalltalk)
ALEX: SO when your boyfriend gets here do you think you'll fight?
EVANGELINE: WHy would we fight? I don't think so...
ALEX: Well, if you do fight, my room number is 1526. Call the front desk and ask for me, If he yell at you, I will take you out we havenice time and nobody needs to know.
EVANGELINE: Ooookay.
(more conversatoin that eventually comes around to nationality)
ALEX: You're from Israel? Where?
EVANGELINE: Chaifa.
ALEX: That is one place i have never been in Israel. So you are Jewish? So am i, I am from Russia.
EVANGELINE: Oh, i have ancestors from Russia.
ALEX: Of course you do, all Jews are from Russia.
EVAGNELINE: I don't think...oh Russell!
RUSSELL enters, pleased to see his girlfriend, more pleased to see twizzlers, appearingly nonplussed to the lecherous glances.
ALEX: Ah! You are Israeli also?
EVANGALINE: Ha! No, he's Irish. He's white, basically. He's a gentile.
ALEX: That's okay, all i have been with are shiksas.
Russel, mouthful of twizzlers, and Evangeline, eager to leave behind her half-full gin and tonic, say their goodbyes to Alex and exit.
For reals.
VIEW 15 of 15 COMMENTS
and twizzlers are yummy...
and thank you for the comment on my set, pretty lady!...