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evangelin

Atlantic City NJ

Hopeful Since 2008

Followers 395 Following 370

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Friday Dec 30, 2011

Dec 29, 2011
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I feel as though I am walking through parallel universe at times..
I don't know why this song makes me cry as I type; I've yet to see the film or read the books..

I feel like I am on a journey. It's peaceful this time which is a very nice change from the past few years. I wish it weren't such a lonely and painful journey, I suppose the thought is futile....it would just be something we did if not a choice to reach one's highest self despite the sacrifices and constant longings.

Upon my Aunts passing I felt such curiosity. Did she long for love or simply find no use for it? Did she live her fullest life the way she desired? For many having the white picket fence, children and pets, that is who they are and what they live for, or so i'm lead to believe. Still I wonder- did she live her life as she desired? I struggle to believe yes, deep inside I am really sad because I don't know many that have. She died with no known lover, no children of her own although as an educator - she had thousands whose lives she enriched. She was a servant of the church with a commitment that rivals any earthly relationship, she lived for her family and taking care of her mother. Who I am to question the choices she or any other make?? I am sad with a knowing I don't recall; sad I wont see her again or get to laugh with her- my aunt had jokes!! In fact I come from a cast of characters and I am so blessed this family opened it's arms to me.

Peace my heart... Peace, my heart, let the time for the parting be sweet. Let it not be a death but completeness. Let love melt into memory and pain into songs. Let the flight through the sky end in the folding of the wings over the nest. Let the last touch of your hands be gentle like the flower of the night. Stand still, O Beautiful End, for a moment, and say your last words in silence. I bow to you and hold up my lamp to light you on your way. ~Rabindranath Tagore

I wonder how I would feel Living in Japan awhile...
mydogfarted:
I had two aunts that never married. I think they enjoyed full lives in their own way.
Dec 30, 2011
evangelin:
I feel like your right...I'm beginning to believe it's the peace and love we have for ourselves that sustains and moves us. I could very easily see myself looking back on my life one day being OK that I lived not always as I desired - BUT lived fully with or without the right person. Without - if the universe wills it so, cause LORD knows I am not about to just settle for someone just to have someone. I"M GOLDEN!!!!! tongue
Jan 6, 2012

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