Patti comes over for Qi Gong today. I found alot of great information for her on breast cancer, she's very fortunate though -it' s unlikely she will have a relapse or have to undergo any really difficult transitions. Her mental aquity is frigging impressive and she's got brass balls too. When I grow up .....I want to be Patti! Amazing though that the cellular makeup of the breast cancer cell is A. She's an O so that was perfect, her body knows immediately when there is an invader and begins defending itself.It also makes for early detection. I'm so glad -she's had a very rough year but my girl plugs along. Put on the hard hat, got on the tractor and bulldozed what was left of her house...
I believe Mary will be here for class as well, but I am having trouble finding much on diverticulitus. I'm going to really have to break that down to a root cause and work from there. She has got to lay off the fucking sugar though. I've told her that a million times-it is poisonous to some people. Speaking of which, I think I spaced when I knew I should NOT eat potatoes for that very reason, yet I see a french fry and it's on. I must stay away from the potato
Once they're gone I may go for a long walk-I feel like all these fucked up emotions are trying to take over my mind and my first thought this morning was Fuck this, i'm not doing this anymore. I said no definitions and now I feel like someone hung my exposed buttocks out a window for everyone to have a crack at....LOL I said crack and buttocks
atleast I can laugh....but I do feel .......I don't know. Love fucking sucks!
Joe's birthday is Wednesday the 8th. Wes called the other day while i was Kennedy Space station to see when I was ready for the last session. i thought that was strange but I guess it really was around this time last year I had the first. June was the second and this will be the last. So weird how his crazy little senses hone in on shit. I hope to get it done with by end of the month. Closure is good and that is a door I just don't need popping open ever. I did put the picture of us his mom gave me, in a box. Didn't feel bad about that at all, I did feel knida like I was betraying someone. He's dead and i'm not so ...I think maybe I feel like i'm, betraying the family. I know that's not true Steven has always been such a huge supporter of mine. He just looks like a dick head and rarely says anything that isn't arrogant or fucked up...that made me laugh. He's got a great heart though which after seeing it broken so badly I guess he just can't hide that anymore.Told him about LA and that although i didn't know where it was going, that I have someone I adore in my life. Wherever it goes-I do. He was actually thrilled. he questioned me a few months back, concerned.... I love that! Meathead did not respond to that ...um at all. I sort of anticipated that from her, but it needed to be put out there and I guess I really wanted to know she'd be happy but I suppose I knew that was too much of a reality check for her still.
They are and always will be family to me.Like my own family, I do see that distance will be necessary-and again I feel like i'm betraying, but I don't discount my head has been beaten by my emotions today. And once again I do NOT fucking like feeling like this. I don't know how people live like this....void of logic!
Anyhow. i will reach out to each of them, I was hoping to do it today. But iIdon't think I'm in such a great frame of mind and frankly I feel reclusive, like I just feel too out there today to deal with it. Tomorrow though it needs to be done. Tuesdays are always bad for mom Roz and I am just not going to touch Wednesday. There is no telling how I will react if I don't control the conversations.So it goes on the to do list along with ROOT CANALS with No numbing agent and perhaps I'll just round out my day with a call to dad
If something happened I'd feel like shit so I'd rather just give him the periodic updates and remain ....I don't fucking know-I'll just give him the 10 minute standard update and the halfhearted love you and have some cocktails and lots of smokes. Mondays suck anyway!
PS: Patti looks amazing and has immersed herself in all things holistic. She is my hero and the Qi Gong was great for both of us. I feel much better
I love the above song and the story about the hugs is just the sweetest thing ever-warm and fuzzies....
I believe Mary will be here for class as well, but I am having trouble finding much on diverticulitus. I'm going to really have to break that down to a root cause and work from there. She has got to lay off the fucking sugar though. I've told her that a million times-it is poisonous to some people. Speaking of which, I think I spaced when I knew I should NOT eat potatoes for that very reason, yet I see a french fry and it's on. I must stay away from the potato
Once they're gone I may go for a long walk-I feel like all these fucked up emotions are trying to take over my mind and my first thought this morning was Fuck this, i'm not doing this anymore. I said no definitions and now I feel like someone hung my exposed buttocks out a window for everyone to have a crack at....LOL I said crack and buttocks
atleast I can laugh....but I do feel .......I don't know. Love fucking sucks!Joe's birthday is Wednesday the 8th. Wes called the other day while i was Kennedy Space station to see when I was ready for the last session. i thought that was strange but I guess it really was around this time last year I had the first. June was the second and this will be the last. So weird how his crazy little senses hone in on shit. I hope to get it done with by end of the month. Closure is good and that is a door I just don't need popping open ever. I did put the picture of us his mom gave me, in a box. Didn't feel bad about that at all, I did feel knida like I was betraying someone. He's dead and i'm not so ...I think maybe I feel like i'm, betraying the family. I know that's not true Steven has always been such a huge supporter of mine. He just looks like a dick head and rarely says anything that isn't arrogant or fucked up...that made me laugh. He's got a great heart though which after seeing it broken so badly I guess he just can't hide that anymore.Told him about LA and that although i didn't know where it was going, that I have someone I adore in my life. Wherever it goes-I do. He was actually thrilled. he questioned me a few months back, concerned.... I love that! Meathead did not respond to that ...um at all. I sort of anticipated that from her, but it needed to be put out there and I guess I really wanted to know she'd be happy but I suppose I knew that was too much of a reality check for her still.
They are and always will be family to me.Like my own family, I do see that distance will be necessary-and again I feel like i'm betraying, but I don't discount my head has been beaten by my emotions today. And once again I do NOT fucking like feeling like this. I don't know how people live like this....void of logic!
Anyhow. i will reach out to each of them, I was hoping to do it today. But iIdon't think I'm in such a great frame of mind and frankly I feel reclusive, like I just feel too out there today to deal with it. Tomorrow though it needs to be done. Tuesdays are always bad for mom Roz and I am just not going to touch Wednesday. There is no telling how I will react if I don't control the conversations.So it goes on the to do list along with ROOT CANALS with No numbing agent and perhaps I'll just round out my day with a call to dad
If something happened I'd feel like shit so I'd rather just give him the periodic updates and remain ....I don't fucking know-I'll just give him the 10 minute standard update and the halfhearted love you and have some cocktails and lots of smokes. Mondays suck anyway!PS: Patti looks amazing and has immersed herself in all things holistic. She is my hero and the Qi Gong was great for both of us. I feel much better
I love the above song and the story about the hugs is just the sweetest thing ever-warm and fuzzies....