"....in the garden of serenity"
well the last few days have been kind of rough for me. i look back on sunday and i still am kind of in awe. here i went to see this band i have basically idolized for 4 years, and to see them not even 20 feet in front of me was pretty amazing. for so long they were that band that only plays in europe. but after the concert, i went back to unhappiness. so i had about an hour of true happiness. standing, getting pushed around, i dont know, i just felt like i was sinking into an abyss of tranquility. and i liked it. i just cant put the day into words. just dicking around all day without a care in the world with a group of friends is what i think i needed.
monday however sunk me right back into this feeling of emptiness and frustration. school just drags me down. i really want to study film, and learn to write screenplays. but my parents dont feel that it is a realistic choice, and wont pay for an out of state school. they barely feel paying for my current schooling. even though it might be an unrealistic path to choose, i feel it is crucial to my sanity. whenever i try bringing anything up though i feel as if i don't exist. i just get a "nod and smile" type reaction, and then i get lectured on how im too stressful on my parents. but yeah... i think summer will be a really good thing. i know i will be able to find happiness. because i wont have anything to worry about. with school i just basically breakdown. i just get stressed out and then that leads to being burnt out. ive really been trying to draw as often as possible. i just started drawing again almost 6 months ago. and i still am unhappy with a lot of my results, but it gives me something to believe in i guess. something i can maybe eventually be passionate about when i can be 100% proud of a projects outcome.
last night though, i got a grin in my face, because i dug out an old VHS copy of willy wonka and the chocolate factory. there is just something about that movie i love. so i actually went to bed somewhat happy haha.
random thought: i hate school
song of the moment: fast as you can by fiona apple.
well the last few days have been kind of rough for me. i look back on sunday and i still am kind of in awe. here i went to see this band i have basically idolized for 4 years, and to see them not even 20 feet in front of me was pretty amazing. for so long they were that band that only plays in europe. but after the concert, i went back to unhappiness. so i had about an hour of true happiness. standing, getting pushed around, i dont know, i just felt like i was sinking into an abyss of tranquility. and i liked it. i just cant put the day into words. just dicking around all day without a care in the world with a group of friends is what i think i needed.
monday however sunk me right back into this feeling of emptiness and frustration. school just drags me down. i really want to study film, and learn to write screenplays. but my parents dont feel that it is a realistic choice, and wont pay for an out of state school. they barely feel paying for my current schooling. even though it might be an unrealistic path to choose, i feel it is crucial to my sanity. whenever i try bringing anything up though i feel as if i don't exist. i just get a "nod and smile" type reaction, and then i get lectured on how im too stressful on my parents. but yeah... i think summer will be a really good thing. i know i will be able to find happiness. because i wont have anything to worry about. with school i just basically breakdown. i just get stressed out and then that leads to being burnt out. ive really been trying to draw as often as possible. i just started drawing again almost 6 months ago. and i still am unhappy with a lot of my results, but it gives me something to believe in i guess. something i can maybe eventually be passionate about when i can be 100% proud of a projects outcome.
last night though, i got a grin in my face, because i dug out an old VHS copy of willy wonka and the chocolate factory. there is just something about that movie i love. so i actually went to bed somewhat happy haha.
random thought: i hate school
song of the moment: fast as you can by fiona apple.
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i will leave you w/ this: "remember what happened to the man who suddenly got everything he had ever wanted...he lived happily ever after."...best.movie.ever.