eurevry

I've come to realize just how damaged we all are. We're born imperfect, in a constant pursuit of trying to fix it. I never thought I was a damaged person, I truly believed I never would be. An Incredibly naive thought. My greatest flaw as a human being is my naivety of the world around me. Then the realization of the ugly truth and the beauty behind it, that nothing really matters. Breaks my heart. All I truly have is despair, all emotion eventually leads me to despair. Despair and melancholy. If I'm happy, its not for long and I despair that it doesn't last, that there's inevitable sadness. I despair because i'm human and I realize I hate being human. I hate feeling and having a heart. Sometimes I wish I didn't have a heart. I wish I couldn't feel. I want to be numb. I want to say fuck it all and not care anymore. I want to be free from this human condition. My heart is under construction and closed for renovation. I make huge decisions because I follow my heart and it becomes impulse. I can put up with so much up to a point. I have my breaking point, everyone does. I haven't reached it yet but when I do, I know its going to be bad. Its probably how I'm gonna go. I'll reach that breaking point and the rest will be impulse. Impulse will be how I'm gonna die. I'll look at that impending doom and realize its going to hurt, it'll be very painful. It would only be for a brief second, then it will be nothing...no more pain or emotion or feeling...ever again.