So I'm finally back from holiday getaways... and I don't want to be here already. I was a good escape -- but it's like returning to do dirty dishes.
At least I was able to forget about my problems for a while and live in an imaginary world where I belonged to some sort of family that lived without a care. Like the ones on TV -- a world where we don't actually work, there are no hard times that aren't resolved in 26mins, and one is free to take all the time in the world to reflect.
But I'm back in this one-room apartment in the city alone. Pizza pops in the microwave and surrounded by neglect. Wrappers, dirty dishes.. the whole nine. The only thing I wish I could do is leave again.
The problems I now face in this new year are the greatest challenges I have faced yet. My dreams and my foundation of beliefs are being challenged by the reality of the world I live in. I don't face natural disasters or the ravages of war... I face bleakness. The challenge of finding a spot in this crowded society without falling through the cracks into the folds of empty gray. Swallowed whole by the pavement that surrounds me.
Things are rough.. and I may just want to walk away... but now more than ever I need that calm disciplined strength I'm supposedly known for.
I just wish I had someone that was strong.
At least I was able to forget about my problems for a while and live in an imaginary world where I belonged to some sort of family that lived without a care. Like the ones on TV -- a world where we don't actually work, there are no hard times that aren't resolved in 26mins, and one is free to take all the time in the world to reflect.
But I'm back in this one-room apartment in the city alone. Pizza pops in the microwave and surrounded by neglect. Wrappers, dirty dishes.. the whole nine. The only thing I wish I could do is leave again.
The problems I now face in this new year are the greatest challenges I have faced yet. My dreams and my foundation of beliefs are being challenged by the reality of the world I live in. I don't face natural disasters or the ravages of war... I face bleakness. The challenge of finding a spot in this crowded society without falling through the cracks into the folds of empty gray. Swallowed whole by the pavement that surrounds me.
Things are rough.. and I may just want to walk away... but now more than ever I need that calm disciplined strength I'm supposedly known for.
I just wish I had someone that was strong.
xx