ether_medius

Don't want to do ultrasound tomorrow. Scared of the possible result. Will do it anyway -- my ignorance in this case is eclipsed by morbid curiosity.

Will I suffer through months of treatment and die anyway? Will I live? Is it nothing but a big scare... who knows.

I'm just trying to enjoy the contradictory feelings I have about the whole mess.

I also find myself thinking I've already made it through the problem and it's silently going away like last weeks news.

I have to consciously force myself to think that at this very moment I could be dying a lot faster than I should be. Especially if I don't do anything about it.

For once though, I wish my fears would be unfettered.