ether_medius

I am all set to go -- this Friday coming up I shall visit with my grandmothers.

The maternal one will be ecstatic to see me and I will be ecstatic to see her. It's been almost a year since my grandfather died (one of my namesakes) and I think now will be a good time to learn what I can of him from my nan. I shall bring a fresh notebook and a pen.

My paternal grandmother will be joyed to see me. Though she is terribly sick now and is slowly fading from this world. Her illness is painful for both of us... as she's asked me to reconcile with my father. This of course is probably the most difficult thing she could ask of me. It's been almost a year since she made the request... and I've yet to follow through.

To risk the privacy of my thoughts and perhaps share more than you are willing to bear... I replayed memories of my father and turned them into fantasies of murder this morning before waking and not quite sleeping. In said fantasies I catch him with the mistress he (somehow to this day) is currently with in the act and I kill them both. I didn't kill them in all of them, and I never paid attention to the gory details much. In one, I simply kicked her out of the house without any clothes and proceeded to beat and berate my father.

I then had enough and woke up. I fixed myself some breakfast and tried to think about what my mind's imagination had just created. What was it? Why were some of them so violent? What did it all mean?

I suppose one day I'll find out... when I get enough courage to speak to him again.

I think my website will be ready to be re-launched in the coming week. Finally. It's been a long time coming thanks to.. well work. Work has been putting it off because I spend far too much time frustrated with what I do rather than enjoying it. Work is far too urgent and the management process is far too disorganized and uneducated in web development. Anyone have the challenge of trying to let their boss know that they know more about what they do than their boss does? If you have any tips -- that'd be awesome.

As an aside -- a whole group of friends with cell phones have decided this year to forget how to use them. Or by some amazing coincidence a bunch of people busted their phones, got new numbers, or did something so that none of us can seem to get a hold of eachother. It's quite sad. We need to get drunk with eachother soon. Someone do something. I'm tired of calling everyone and getting answering machines or operators.

I need to find a no-frills dirt-cheap gym. I just want a place to go to after work where I can lift a few free-weights, jump some rope, and do a few situps. I need to put on some muscle mass this year. Yes -- that's my resolution. To gain weight.

This Saturday ought to be fun. Renting a limo and doing a white-trash night for my b-day. Hooray for 57!

Always going against the flow...