esmee

i stayed up until five last night watching All That Jazz...that movie kicked ass. i was thinking how did i go 27 years without seeing this? in all fairness to me it was made when i was three but still...

i...suck.
but thats not what i was going to say. what i was going to say was that i am in need of creative stimulation. theres this feeling somewhere in between my stomach and solar plexus of indefinable tension. its this vague anxiety about everything, i constantly feel like puking or fainting or gouging my eyes out, or everything at once and i'm only in my first quarter of school. when i'm on drugs i feel uncomfortable and hyper and electricfied and when i'm sober i feel uncomfortable and hyper and electrified. i can't stop thinking and its kind of nice in a way but in another way i'm feeling a definite need for obliteration and total obliviousness that is hard to describe but i'm sure very familiar to some people.
i think i'll go out this weekend.