esmee

my hands get cold when i'm nervous or anxious. its like i lose feeling in my fingers or something.
i don't know why that is.
i'm getting my hair cut on saturday. i think i'm going to go for a big change and it makes me nervous. i want to just change everything. i'm also going to check out a few tattoo places. should be fun...i'm one of those annoying people whos always talking about things i'm going to do...
i'm so sick of being scared and indecisive, feeling completely unformed and amorphous....
i've been terrified of making any definitive choices...from like haircuts to intellectual and creative directions. i've been afraid to make a mistake so never really chose...
or at least i feel that way.

ps. i had THE most amazing orgasm the other day. it was almost enough to make me swear off dating forever. why bother with it at all if i can get myself off like that...