Login
Forgot Password?

OR

Login with Google Login with Twitter Login with Facebook
  • Join
  • Profiles
  • Groups
  • SuicideGirls
  • Photos
  • Videos
  • Shop
Vital Stats

esmee

Member Since 2003

Followers 26 Following 10

  • Everything
  • Photos
  • Video
  • Blogs
  • Groups
  • From Others

Tuesday Nov 04, 2003

Nov 3, 2003
0
  • Facebook
  • Tweet
  • Email
ahha! the FAQ saves the day...i know how to update my journal now without commenting to myself like a moron. hooray

I'm getting fat...or something.
I was lifting weights and suddenly found myself completely unable to fit into my clothes. I feel the need to explain this to people...nervously. You see, I'm not really fat its just that I got very into powerlifting somehow and my butt got huge. But its muscle...so...
and I shrug apologetically.

Theres nothing worse than being fat. And its not necessarily being fat that is bad but its feeling fat and you can feel fat without actually being fat. Or you can be fat but feel skinny and then are you really fat unless you feel fat. Clearly at some point you are actually fat but it makes my head hurt to think about the dichotomy of wanting to be a strong powerful woman yet being told that I can only occupy a certain wee amount of space in the world. And like everything it comes down to perception...like I was skinny but somehow didn't realize it until I had some perspective, which is to say gazing backwards at myself from two sizes away...

Lifting weights is fun though. Its funny after training really hard for a year I have a new respect for men. Its hard to explain why...maybe because after trying my hardest to benchpress 75 lbs for over 6 months, it boggles my mind that guys can walk in and throw around at least twice that without ever trying before. Granted that only applies to certain men and certain upper body movements where men are vastly stronger than women.
ok now i'm boring myself.
bob_dobalina:
esmee... from iistix??!?
Nov 4, 2003
bob_dobalina:
i wasn't sure b/c your green eyes are obscured by shades in your picture.

since you got it, might as well flaunt that big ol' butt of yours. i was at the gym last nite (chest and triceps day) and discovered that i have a thing for back and shoulder muscles as i spied a woman on the lat machine.
Nov 4, 2003

More Blogs

  • 03.30.05
    8

    Wednesday Mar 30, 2005

    ah ha. it wasn't true, her cell phone didn't work. give me a break, w…
  • 03.28.05
    1

    Monday Mar 28, 2005

    i think my mom might be avoiding my phone calls. could anything be mo…
  • 12.08.04
    0

    Thursday Dec 09, 2004

    I have been sitting here for over an hour, muddling my way through my…
  • 10.06.04
    2

    Wednesday Oct 06, 2004

    life randomly just getting older and uglier the more wrong turns i ta…
  • 09.20.04
    2

    Tuesday Sep 21, 2004

    i wish i could sleep. i had a dumb dream.
  • 09.18.04
    1

    Saturday Sep 18, 2004

    this has been a very interesting year.
  • 09.15.04
    0

    Wednesday Sep 15, 2004

    god damn ass hell. must learn to just be quiet.
  • 09.15.04
    1

    Wednesday Sep 15, 2004

    i gave you my heart and you gave me your old vacuum cleaner. i fucki…
  • 09.14.04
    1

    Tuesday Sep 14, 2004

    boyfriend is leaving on friday forever. i'm not sure what to do...la…
  • 09.12.04
    2

    Sunday Sep 12, 2004

    achoo

We at SuicideGirls have been celebrating alternative pin-up girls for:

24
years
0
months
25
days
  • 5,509,826 fans
  • 41,393 fans
  • 10,327,617 followers
  • 4,610 SuicideGirls
  • 1,113,818 followers
  • 14,983,723 photos
  • 321,315 followers
  • 61,542,663 comments
  • Join
  • Profiles
  • Groups
  • Photos
  • Videos
  • Shop
  • Help
  • About
  • Press
  • LIVE

Legal/Tos | DMCA | Privacy Policy | 18 U.S.C. 2257 Record-Keeping Requirements Compliance Statement | Complaint / Content Removal Policy | Contact Us | Vendo Payment Support
©SuicideGirls 2001-2025

Press enter to search
Fast Hi-res

Click here to join & see it all...

Crop your photo