Life is so fucking hot right now, filled with prospect and possibility.
I've officially been on my break from grad school for a month and a half now, although I guess I've technically been off my student loan living expenses since mid-December. So, I've been living off God knows what money, and I certainly don't know how I was able to afford to buy a new scooter. I think part of it was that I took my birthday/Xmas money from my mom and then ended up charging the things I was supposed to buy with it (new glasses in particular, and I'm blind, so they were pretty spendy). Yes, for the first time in my life I am carrying a credit card balance, not to mention $9k in student loans (so far!). But you know what? I'm not worried. Why? I can't entirely explain. I know this: I said to myself when I decided to take a break that I didn't want to quit the job I did have and do temping or whatever. Which meant I would need to find another part-time job. So I hemmed and hawed for awhile, and thought about applying to Trader Joe's or H&M or something...but I knew what I really wanted was to get back into figure modelling and become a tutor. And guess what!? Long story short, I went to a modelling audition and a tutoring audition and I passed them both! The sad thing is, figure modelling orientation and the first day of tutor training are this Sunday, so I'm going to put off the tutoring because the training happens more often than model orientation.
But, yeah, it's like, ever since we got back from Vegas, I've just sort of had perma-grin. Every thing is exciting! Everything is new! Everything is falling into place! Everyone loves me! And I wonder--is this what life is like for non-depressed people? Because seriously, I've never been this happy for this long (three weeks, ha!) ever before in my life. And, notably, I haven't taken my meds since I was in Vegas. Who knows, maybe they weren't the right meds for me.
Anyway, now that the job stuff seems to have pretty much fallen together, I can start working on my other goals. Like painting again. Sending my manuscript out. The things that don't make us money but keep us alive. Even though I seem to be doing an ok job of it right now, anyway. Jeez, if I could get even happier than I am now, I think I wuld just, like, be cumming all day.
Oh, and I'm in love with publicAnemone. That helps too. On April 1st we will officially have been living together for 18 months! Wow!
I've officially been on my break from grad school for a month and a half now, although I guess I've technically been off my student loan living expenses since mid-December. So, I've been living off God knows what money, and I certainly don't know how I was able to afford to buy a new scooter. I think part of it was that I took my birthday/Xmas money from my mom and then ended up charging the things I was supposed to buy with it (new glasses in particular, and I'm blind, so they were pretty spendy). Yes, for the first time in my life I am carrying a credit card balance, not to mention $9k in student loans (so far!). But you know what? I'm not worried. Why? I can't entirely explain. I know this: I said to myself when I decided to take a break that I didn't want to quit the job I did have and do temping or whatever. Which meant I would need to find another part-time job. So I hemmed and hawed for awhile, and thought about applying to Trader Joe's or H&M or something...but I knew what I really wanted was to get back into figure modelling and become a tutor. And guess what!? Long story short, I went to a modelling audition and a tutoring audition and I passed them both! The sad thing is, figure modelling orientation and the first day of tutor training are this Sunday, so I'm going to put off the tutoring because the training happens more often than model orientation.
But, yeah, it's like, ever since we got back from Vegas, I've just sort of had perma-grin. Every thing is exciting! Everything is new! Everything is falling into place! Everyone loves me! And I wonder--is this what life is like for non-depressed people? Because seriously, I've never been this happy for this long (three weeks, ha!) ever before in my life. And, notably, I haven't taken my meds since I was in Vegas. Who knows, maybe they weren't the right meds for me.
Anyway, now that the job stuff seems to have pretty much fallen together, I can start working on my other goals. Like painting again. Sending my manuscript out. The things that don't make us money but keep us alive. Even though I seem to be doing an ok job of it right now, anyway. Jeez, if I could get even happier than I am now, I think I wuld just, like, be cumming all day.
Oh, and I'm in love with publicAnemone. That helps too. On April 1st we will officially have been living together for 18 months! Wow!
VIEW 17 of 17 COMMENTS
elora1:
i as well am sitting on the credit card balance of a lifetime. and then add to that the school loans that are about to start accumulating. but for some reason... some unknown reason... i as well just feel like it's going to be ok. it'll all work out. somehow. maybe i'm living in a fantasty world. i dunno!
belljar:
it was so great you came out... thank you so much! 