All right I'm having a moment and I needed to put it down so I did thanks if you read this.
Ok so some of you know it the first Mother's Day since mine has passed last fall. We did not talk hardly at all for hell the last decade. We both made attempts but he same old demons kept getting in the way she chose to go down a path I didn't want to follow her down any more. I did get a lot of my habits both good and bad from my father and the same if not more from my mother. Like the way I prefer my eggs from dad and one of my favorite artists Rod Steward from mom.
As you may know I am not a religious man not a knock at any of you that are religious just my own belief I just hope mom is happy where ever she is and I know where that would be right with dad again
An Memory to share with you so you could see who she was a glimpse of her for some others
I am here and as this day comes to an end I am reminded of a day of witch it's story more so it's morale is pretty much mom in a nut shell. This day wasn't the first time or the most important but it is more like a example of why I love smiles so much.
It was an average spring/summer afternoon we didn't have much of anything hardly ever but this one of those time of less rather than more. I decided I was going to make dinner and wanted mac n cheese as I started the water I got down the container of pasta to find that several types of pasta were in the same container like elbows, small shells, corkscrews, big shells witch wasn't a real big deal as I have had that kind of mac n cheese before but I was on one of those cooking show days kicks where I wanted the pasta al dentay (done but still a little firm to the tooth). I knew that you couldn't get that with different kinds of pasta they all cook at different times.
So now I hear from mom just sort them out and I started to do just that. I got a plate down to pour some of the pasta on and sort I realized that there wasn't enough of any one kind of pasta to make mac n cheese for the both of us. I measured out some of the mixed up pasta and was about to put it in the water when mom came into the kitchen and started sorting out the noodles I told her there wasn't enough of any one kind for the both of us to eat. Mom said I know were I asked why would you go though the trouble of sorting out the pasta knowing there isn't enough for us both the answer to that question made me smile and feel small at the same time. Her answer was cause you are my son and if I can do I will even if there isn't anything for me but knowing your happy and it made you smile.
That was mom even if we hadn't spoken in years if I needed her she would be there sometimes it took time but she would be there to bad I couldn't say the same for myself. mom made me promise that if it ever came down to it I would pull the plug a long time ago when I was still little probably eight years old or so. At the end I couldn't do it I tried to rationalize it as she wanted to see her grandson again or she was still breathing but really I just couldn't do it. I thought if it was down to it she would be gone not still talking to me. I did what she wanted in the end mostly but could not pull the plug I really don't think I could have handled her last breath being at my hand for the rest of my life.
