I remember when this whole covid craziness started, more than a year ago. Here in Italy, people started holding paintings of rainbows on their windows and "andrà tutto bene" (evererything's gonna be alright) was the main refrain of every tv show, newspaper, sign, conversation. Population was divided in two: while half of them where completely terrified, the other half was holding on to this "andrà tutto bene" idea.
Weeks passed, then months, then a whole year: it's preatty clear that the "andrà tutto bene" shit fell down as a house of cards. Still people feel the need to show this annoying, plastic optimism.
I absolutely hate it.
I'm a personal trainer, gyms are closed and I worked maybe 4 months in the past 12 months, didn't see my family in over a year, lived in a on and off shutdown, mental issues, I broke up with my partner of nearly 12 years, suffered a severe shoulder injury who basically stopped my contortionist practice for good, grandma died.
Icing on the cake: as I'm writing this blog, one of the cats farted.
I know, nothing special, there are people who are experiencing worst, some are homeless, some live in places where not only covid kills but war too, some suffer deadly diseases, some are dead.
Still, I think I have the right to feel bad, to feel sad to feel scared.
My social media are full of people saying everything depends on us and our mindsetting. Honestly, mostly are networkers looking for other people to join their Ponzi shit. Truth is that yes, mindsetting is crucial but not everything is under our control. A lot of stuff are not. We can change the way we approach problems but I hate when people say problems don't exist, that "there are no problems, only opportunities".
I'm not a negative person, I know this is gonna end, I know things will eventually turn ok butI just can't stand this pressure over us, like we MUST smile all day, we MUST say everything is fine, we MUST be grateful, we are the lucky ones.
I am very aware of the fact I'm a lucky motherfucker, I'm a white chick living in the lucky part of the world. Still, I feel entitled to feel like shit, every now and then.
I don't think I create a negative environment just because I refuse to pretend everything is unicorns and rainbows.
I can't stand this toxic positivity pressure anymore.
What do you think? Do you feel like there's a pressure over us to pretend we are always happy and perfect, living our best life?
Meanwhile, here's a picture from my last OnlyFans set, maybe it will give you some good vibes, after this massive rant, hahahh.
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