One of my favourite things to do on this site is to put my very personal problems to the SG brainstrust and see what comes back. Not because I can't make up my own mind, 9/10 times I've already made the call, but I really like to get the perspective of those who haven't been soaking in the cesspool that are my issues. One of my favourite quotes by Aristotle is 'It is the mark of an educated mind to be able to entertain a thought without accepting it.' And that what this process does for me.
In the past 4 or so months I've been suffering from a terrible depression partly due to the burden of becoming my father's legal guardian and financial manager due to brain surgery that went wrong, partly due to deciding to abandon the career which I thought would fulfil me and deciding to follow my childhood passion of becoming a working artist, usually following ones dreams makes one MORE content but because I haven't put paint to canvas, pencil to paper or shark to vitrine in over 5 years, I've become so daunted by the idea that I've become creatively inert.
But mostly, this depression has been fuelled by the departure of the last woman that I fell madly in love with.
This woman was beautiful, creative, fun and the sex was fucking amazing. Within me it stirred up a perfect balance of fear and arrogance. But because I'm prone to low self-esteem I was always worried that I wasn't, and I'm going to be brutally honest here, attractive enough to be with this girl. Unfortunately for me, she's not the kind of girl who gives compliments or reassurance regularly or at all. Mainly because she has her own issues. But she did tell me she always that I was cute even before we got together.
In the end we decided she brings the pretty and I bring the cool It worked.
It was only a 4 month relationship, she was already planning to move to Berlin before we met, but we were inexplicably drawn to each other. And it was amazing, her sisters and friends told me they'd never seen her so happy with a boy, etc, etc. I felt like a millions dollars and I was having fantasies of us being madly in love all over the world.
In September I'm heading to Europe on a holiday partly gallery tour and partly to visit some of my family in Paris, something I wanted to do for a long time. Now, I'd be lying if I said her being in Berlin wasn't a motivating factor in booking my holiday, but it's certainly wasn't the only one. I need to relax for a bit and leave behind my life in Sydney.
When she had just arrived over there, she didn't know I was coming. I spoke to her and she was crying and wanting me to come over. So, I told her I was coming. Next time we spoke she cried because it didn't seem like my plans involved her at all, so I spoiled the big surprise that I was going to fly her to Paris to see me. This made her really happy. And she asked me to come visit her in Berlin too.
What we both noticed was that after every chat/skype call we both felt really sad and empty. So I decided I should be honest about this and tell her that I was missing her really badly.
What I got in reply was an email tellinh me to book her flight to Paris whenever I wanted, that she was looking for an apartment and that if she had flatmates, she would make sure they would be alright with me staying for as long or as little as I wanted. But signed off with: But I don't know if I'll talk as much because it makes me really sad.
So now we don't talk and we barely email. And in 6 weeks I'll be in Paris.
Now here is my dilemma... I'm not sure how to act when I see her? Do I embrace her? Do I act cool and aloof? Do I bring up the idea of staying with her in Berlin? Do I wait for her to say something? These questions make me more depressed. I can't even look at her facebook page because everything that happens makes me believe she's taken one step further away from what we had. I've been in a long distance relationship before but never felt like this.
Now I leave it in your experienced hands people of SG. Give me some much needed pearls.
In the past 4 or so months I've been suffering from a terrible depression partly due to the burden of becoming my father's legal guardian and financial manager due to brain surgery that went wrong, partly due to deciding to abandon the career which I thought would fulfil me and deciding to follow my childhood passion of becoming a working artist, usually following ones dreams makes one MORE content but because I haven't put paint to canvas, pencil to paper or shark to vitrine in over 5 years, I've become so daunted by the idea that I've become creatively inert.
But mostly, this depression has been fuelled by the departure of the last woman that I fell madly in love with.
This woman was beautiful, creative, fun and the sex was fucking amazing. Within me it stirred up a perfect balance of fear and arrogance. But because I'm prone to low self-esteem I was always worried that I wasn't, and I'm going to be brutally honest here, attractive enough to be with this girl. Unfortunately for me, she's not the kind of girl who gives compliments or reassurance regularly or at all. Mainly because she has her own issues. But she did tell me she always that I was cute even before we got together.
In the end we decided she brings the pretty and I bring the cool It worked.
It was only a 4 month relationship, she was already planning to move to Berlin before we met, but we were inexplicably drawn to each other. And it was amazing, her sisters and friends told me they'd never seen her so happy with a boy, etc, etc. I felt like a millions dollars and I was having fantasies of us being madly in love all over the world.
In September I'm heading to Europe on a holiday partly gallery tour and partly to visit some of my family in Paris, something I wanted to do for a long time. Now, I'd be lying if I said her being in Berlin wasn't a motivating factor in booking my holiday, but it's certainly wasn't the only one. I need to relax for a bit and leave behind my life in Sydney.
When she had just arrived over there, she didn't know I was coming. I spoke to her and she was crying and wanting me to come over. So, I told her I was coming. Next time we spoke she cried because it didn't seem like my plans involved her at all, so I spoiled the big surprise that I was going to fly her to Paris to see me. This made her really happy. And she asked me to come visit her in Berlin too.
What we both noticed was that after every chat/skype call we both felt really sad and empty. So I decided I should be honest about this and tell her that I was missing her really badly.
What I got in reply was an email tellinh me to book her flight to Paris whenever I wanted, that she was looking for an apartment and that if she had flatmates, she would make sure they would be alright with me staying for as long or as little as I wanted. But signed off with: But I don't know if I'll talk as much because it makes me really sad.
So now we don't talk and we barely email. And in 6 weeks I'll be in Paris.
Now here is my dilemma... I'm not sure how to act when I see her? Do I embrace her? Do I act cool and aloof? Do I bring up the idea of staying with her in Berlin? Do I wait for her to say something? These questions make me more depressed. I can't even look at her facebook page because everything that happens makes me believe she's taken one step further away from what we had. I've been in a long distance relationship before but never felt like this.
Now I leave it in your experienced hands people of SG. Give me some much needed pearls.
From my personal experience after having had a relationship with someone on another continent: it doens't work.
She has probably started to build her own life over there.
But...I really hope I'm wrong and things are cool between the two of you, and you live happily ever after.
P.S: your french is very cute