eroticgeek

Its a bird. Its a plane. No wait! Its just Jen. So where have I been? Nowhere special. I have just been super busy and not much has been accomplished. Eh. I so need to get my life in gear. It is now September, 15th and I have to be out of my current residence by the 30th. I still have not found a place to live. I am trying to relocate to be closer to my love, but I am having absolutely no luck finding a place to rent in the county that he lives in. AHHHHH! Everywhere I call has a waiting list. Blah! I spent a gazillion dollars trying to repair my credit, only to learn that my score is still not high enough to buy a house. OUCH! So I am left to rent. There are places in the next county over. However, this isn't very convenient. My boyfriend would have to drive well over a hour each way to go to and from work everyday. This would be ideal, but the vehicle I purchased for us is an absolute gas hog. I do not drive so he is left to drive the monster. It will be beneficial in the winter though, the counties we are looking at get way more snow than what I am used to her in the capital city. Yes, I am contemplating moving to a more rural county. I will do anything to be with him. I want our life together to be all it can be.

So far we are being tested. My family doesn't want me to move away. There reasoning is all wrong in my opinion, though. They are losing their financial support. They do not care that I found someone who loves me completely. This is important to me. I have had some much trouble in the past with relationships romantically due to my freaking disability. I do not even see why. You can not even tell I am disabled unless you were to see my orthopedic equipment, whether it be my crutches or the wheelchair. Otherwise, the disability isn't apparent. Why do guys get so stuck on it? It is nothing to be embarrassed about. At least I am not embarrassed with myself. Even if I was offered a cure tomorrow, I would not take it. I am me. Take or leave it! That is what my boyfriend does. He is the exception. He doesn't see the crutches or anything of that nature. We joke about it but it shows me that he is comfortable. We do not let it effect any aspect of our relationship. So you would think my family would be happy that I found such an awesome guy. A guy who wants to better my life, to take care of me, and to love me the way I deserve to be loved. Everyone deserves that I believe. I really think I do! So I am glad to have him in my life and I will stop at nothing to make our dreams come true. Even though most is against us. No one can tell you who to love, but they can appreciate the fact that I am lucky enough to have found it. A genuine companion who accepts me, faults and all. However, they don't see things this way. They think I am being used and taken advantage of. I am a smart girl and yes, I have made mistakes with guys in the past, but I know what love is. I know how to love someone in return as well. In my opinion it is about acceptance, loyalty, empathy, and sacrifice. Nothing in life is easy, but I am willing to work for it. It would be nice to just have someone on "our" side. The stress of having everyone against you being together tends to get to from time to time and we begin to doubt each other. I hate this. I do not want everyone else to win. I want to prove that no one can stop us and we can live a happy, successful life without the help of others. Is anything wrong in that? I seriously think not. Maybe I am under an illusion. I just hope throughout all this he knows that I love him and I am only doing what I am to improve things for us. I will never give up on him. I just hope he stands firm with me. It is "us" against the world. My only response to that is simply, "RAWR!"

Otherwise, I have also been having trouble with school. It seems like the old saying, "When It Rains, It Pours!" Yes, it appears to be that way at least in my world. I was currently enrolled in my second class while still working on my first class that was stated as an "Incomplete." I gained this "Incomplete" due to the mini-stroke back in July. It was not my fault I got sick and school suffered. I tried to talk to the school but it was an epic fail. Even with the offer of medical documentation, I got the worst call ever yesterday from the University. The professor who gave me the "Incomplete" randomly decided to make it an official "F." WHAT? This really messes things up more than I could imagine. Having the "Incomplete" alone caused my financial aid to be suspended because I did not meet the GPA requirements necessary for aid. So I was aware that to get it reinstated I had to pass two more additional classes plus the "Incomplete." Well, what is the problem with this? I have to pay for two of the classes out of pocket because only one was covered. This way fine to me. I had six weeks to come up with $1000 dollars. Yes, this is a lot of money, but I was working on it. However, after the call I was informed that since I had now failed the first course. I had to retake it. This now means that I have to pay for three classes out of pocket, just in an effort to try an get financial aid back. My debt went from $1000 dollars to almost $3000. Oh my lord. That is a lot of money. I am about to go insane.

Where does this leave me? Well, I am trying to move to no avail. I have to worry about paying for school if I am going to have any kind of financial future. I am broke and barely have the funds to move out of my current residence. Seems like a lot huh? Not to mention that I have ZERO support other than my boyfriend. How is one supposed to keep sane. I keep telling myself, "When life throws you lemons, then make lemonade." Well, I am diabetic and I need to find the sugar free version of this lemonade. It seems to be an impossible feat. AHHH!

I will keep all posted on the drama as it unfolds. I am convinced things can not get any worse than what they are. They only have to get better from here, right? At least I have one person that loves me. Hopefully, together we will make this work and make an impossible dream a reality. I am willing to work. I just hope it is to no avail. I refuse to fail. Failing is not in my vocabulary. At least not when it is in my control. The class was an exception to my rule. We will see what unfolds. It is worse than a freaking soap opera around here.

Until next time.....