eroticgeek

The day was great. I spent the day with an old friend. I got to be myself and it felt good. I think the person I have been relying on for companionship as a best friend may not be the person I think she is. Current situations have just led me to see her in a different light. We are two different people. We have VERY different beliefs, morals, ideas,etc. So it was nice to see another friend who isn't the one I am always around. I need more friends to hang out with anyway. I am a firm believer that I would rather have a few great friends, than millions of acquaintances. Nonetheless, I can definitely use people to call friends. Especially those of the female gender. I have so much trouble making friends. I do not know why. I just have issues with trust. This is with anyone really. I have just been hurt a lot in the past by people who I cared very deeply about and I am one of those individuals who once you betray them, then I tend to hold grudges and believe that others will be the same. This is wrong of me, I know. Not everyone is the same. I am working on taking down this wall and trying to let more people in. I need friends. I need to get out of the house. I have very special people in my life, do not get me wrong, but a romantic relationship is very different than a platonic one. I am not saying that my boyfriend isn't my best friend, but each day he is earning that title. Yes, I believe this is something you have to earn. He is my friend and becoming someone I really can not imagine having in my life whether it be romantic or otherwise. So regardless and I hope I am not jinxing myself here of how our romantic relationship turns out. He will always be my friend. I promised him that. I do not break promises. This is something I pride myself on. He is becoming more than my lover. He is becoming my best friend. I am not sure if he even reads my blogs, but more than any of them I hope he reads this one. I am doing more than professing love here, I believe. There are many types of love. I love him completely and I am completely 100% certain of that. He will always have a part of my heart somehow or another. Hopefully, it will remain the way it is, but if things turn sour I will take him my life anyway I can get him. Thanks to him my life is amazing.

I do not know how my blog went from about my day to my love for another but I hope the point was made. It is important for those around you to know how you feel. Remember that. Sometimes I personally do not know how to express them verbally, but I sure can write them down. Whether or not those words are seen remains uncertain, but I feel much better knowing that I am honest with my heart and soul. I am slowly becoming happy with myself through these revelations. This is funny because it is has nothing to do with that stupid list I made. Perhaps I wasn't the one who was imperfect. Maybe it was those who surrounded me that were causing the flaws. Just a thought....Hmmmmm. I am left to ponder on that idea. *shrugs*

Oh and for anyone that is interested, my friend Tara, since I didn't mention her name earlier happened to take some pictures of me while she was hanging out at my place today. If you want to see the current state of Jen, then they are posted in my pics. I put them in the folder there instead of uploading them all to the blog. So they are there if you want to see them. Some actually shows the purple in my hair. That excited me, but I am a geek like that so I am sure that I am the only one who will have that emotional response. *giggles* Anyway, I am out....