eris23

man my words taste fucking awful...
is it not possible to live without having secrets? well i guess my life would be boring. but some things have to go to the grave, no matter how distant your confessor, because once the words are out there, it's anyone's game.
i am not very good at this interpersonal relations stuff. you know, getting along with other people with a minimum of antagonism and bitterness, or not fucking around people that i love through careless disregard of their feelings. so i tend to say or do things that are really not very nice, but seem insignificant to me. i say "why is he so knotted about this, i wouldn't care if it were me" when i really don't know because i'm never on the receiving end. maybe it would hurt me as much as it seems to hurt him.

maybe i really am a bitch. but saying that is like trying to get off the hook with the "human nature" escape clause. i choose to believe that humans are not innately horrid, violent and selfish, but that this is a pathological response to the stupidity of civilization. therefore humans are capable of unconditional love and compassion. we just have to rise to the challenge.

a caveat: being married is really really hard. don't let anyone ever tell you it's all sunshine and roses. it requires some hefty sacrifices; one must be comfortable with being "wrong" in order to keep the peace. one's pride is secondary to creating harmony in the household. i seem to be rather bad at it so far.


don't get me wrong, the benefits far outweigh the costs, assuming one makes a wise choice. i would advise against marrying anyone you haven't known for at least 3 years; that's how long it takes for the love-induced endorphins to peter out. that's when the real relationship begins.

so i am sorry. i am sorry that i said things that could do nothing but hurt you. i am sorry that i wanted to show off, and in so doing betray your trust. i hope you can forgive me, and that the weight of all these little stupidities never tips the scales against us.