erin

I usually find myself thinking that people are too difficult. Everything they say and do they probably never meant and if they did, well, emotion is fleeting and who can really keep track of anything anymore. Contradictions, vagueness, hollow words, fake smiles and patronizing pats on the head... well... I'm really over it. Social intricacies aren't worth my time and energy anymore and you had better believe that I mean everything that I say. If anyone wants to know anything about me they can ask - but I guess they would have to care.

I'm tired of putting out. I feel like a two-bit whore that you can take or leave and well, as long as I'm putting out you'll probably take When you finally do leave I'll sigh and ache a bit because I always knew it wasn't real. I could say no... I guess I could but there's always that chance that I'm just being paranoid and slowly cutting myself off from the people around me never seemed like such a healthy thing to do, whether or not I do it anyway. So I should probably keep trying. I'll look for anything that resembles a sincere thought or facial expression, wait for a moment that they might speak with feeling or intent instead of this blase crap that almost passes for conversation between us. Or, more likely, the feeling will pass and I'll drift away just like I tend to do, far far away from anyone and anything that ever mattered to me.

It's ok, I'm over it.