today is sporadic journal entry day, empty my head of some fears and hopes, maybe i consolidate it at the end of the day, maybe not.

i fear i am going nowhere, prtety valid fear, i'm not going anywhere.

i've lost a sense of wonder, its not a matter of being jaded, its just boredom or complacency or some other horrible thing that means i am just content to let the world slide on by me

I know what will fix the above
the solution frightens me with implications of weakness, and the mother of all bad words
codependency

i need infatuation