eonapocalypse

i've decided, i need to so some re-arranging of furniture in my room.... i need change, lots and lots of change, but it will never be enough.

oh well, this should be fun, my room needs to be cleaned up anyways.

::sigh::

so i have to try and keep my head up, but its hard when a migraine is pounding in your temples..... hard to focus on anything.....

but yeah, last night, alone again.... but i got something accomplished for myself so that was all good
and then i took a 6 or so mile walk to just clear my head, it helped and was a...
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when life wants to fuck you over, it does a good job of it.


1. Grandmother has cancer, my mom's mom, my other Grandmother died earlier this year.... so this is upsetting. I am close with my Grandparents, she lives three blocks away, i have never met my mom's dad as he died of lung cancer before i was born. The worst part is that...
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BLAH.

i got a day off tomorrow,
i have three new cds to listen to.
i have a sinking feeling in my stomach.
i have worries about my grandmother.
i have no idea what comes next.

as it turns out, the Jacket is a very twisted, memorable, and awesome movie, i guess i will be out buying it shortly. saw it last night with my dear tiffany. too bad john ruined part of the night though. i don't understand jealousy. Lunch was good, and the movie was an added bonus.

now where did i put my pen?

as i lay in bed right now, in my usual lack of self esteem...
attempting sleep as i always do, the insomnia returns...

but at least i am wide awake and not in a daze as usual. i lay under the window, staring out into the sky that never dims. and i find myself searching for peace and tranquillity. i found myself buying another Bright...
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you would think that i would know better by now, Work is dangerous, how many times have i cut, bruised, and pulled muscles this summer? grrrr...

today while climbing up the 12ft racks we have (yeah i know i shouldn't be doing that, but its easier than moving the stairway around) i had to get down in a rush, and while almost falling i took...
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well, lets see whats alive in this f*uped world....

i was supposed to see tiff today, but of course that was put on the back burner yet again.... annoying to say the very least....

had to work yet again today, tomorrow makes its two weeks straight. saturday off no doubt about that.

got my new laptop hard drive today, got it installed, got it working,...
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Penetration:

I: The First

a knife to the skin in darkness
and isn't it quaint? Hamlet's self torture
treacherous only to his self
- nuzzling close to these fallen pieces
comfort found in the thick blood.

The body of water never nears
a bubbling cesspool or formaldehyde,
freeze this moment with a blurry picture.

Beyond this point of return,
pain can't be a tragedy -...
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its official. i am becoming slightly masochistic.

i loved getting my nipple's pierced. it didn't hurt, it felt great.

after working out this weekend i was so sore. feeling the pain from overworking my muscles and building more felt wonderful... no i don't love pain, but i like being reminded of my limits, that i am alive, that i am not perfect....

thank you for the welcome.

off to work now, unfortunately. perhaps it won't be too bad of a day as i actually slept last night and a good portion of yesterday which hasn't happened in months.

i don't think i can come straight home though. i need to get out, i need to figure out how to piece this puzzle of words together that are...
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so i guess i should put something up here huh, even though few if any will care or read. i guess i will have a good outlet for my ramblings (aka thinking on screen) rather than emailing random friends when i am bored or need to put myself in perspective.

anyways.. still shaking off and on today. worries me. had to work today for a...
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