envy

ok.. just got back from visiting pa... not too bad of a trip overall.. got some new clothes and $$$$.. so that's nice.
found out my best friend from high school ( i call him my brother.. 'cause he just sort is like one) was born with only one kidney... and the other will probably fail in the next year or two... due to excessive drinking and drug use.. but he wants to die young.. he told me this at a bar on christmas.. then he refuses to let me get some coke from his friend.. (but he got some).. [see - just like an older brother - he's always "protected" me ] i love him to death but he pisses me off.. i'm going to be so lost and torn up if/when he dies.. but he wants me to be good and not do drugs 'cause i'm going to "do good things with my life - not be a fuck-up like him"...
it's sad.. he's pretty bright and plays a mean guitar... he's very hardcore punk.. sigh.. it's depressing..
well.. going to call him and cry..
laters
kisses