ennuiwarrior

I am OrKid.

I walked beside a flaming street. I was crushed by a touch. I remembered that I was bound. I was bound, to see that glowing child again. I was bound to see you, and not recognize you. I was bound to bite through my lip, to drink myself into rememberance, to chew on the well worn fat of my childhood.

It wasn't typical, I guess I can say that.

How often are you shattered by a face that you can't place? How often to you get to graze a miracle?

Perhaps I'm being too strong. Perhaps I should become pragmatic.

It was bound to happen.

For one day, for even a handful of moments in one day I felt like today and yesterday weren't so far apart. IT WAS YOUR FACE. I saw it! I swear to all the holy angels and devious demons that you wandered across my path, like some black cat fortelling my ill fortune. Your face was my ill fortune, but only to draw out the evil seed that was in me..

Evil, HA! Fuck you, evil. What good has evil done me?

But that face, it reverberates. Even in my idleness I hear the echoes, like the drumbeat of my enemies tribe preparing for war. You are a part of that for me. There is no blame, that is just where you belong.

The moment when I could call you by your name was stolen from me. My own superficial fears charging to block me calling out to you. You reminded me of a more recent love. How on earth can I sleep with that?

My love from so long ago walked before my eyes. I recognized you, but was too afraid to speak out, because I did not recognize you as my love of long ago, but as my love I carry in my heart today. My love today is near, but out of my grasp. I was blinded by that, but only moments too late I realized you were an older, more ingrained love. One, perhaps, I never let loose of. It was like your two masks overlapped each other, and I was the fool awestruck by the slight of hand fate twisted for me. Why are you two so simiilar? Did I overlap you the moment I met the her? Did I see in her what I saw in you in my youth?

Even if that is true, I still stand by my love of now. I have tried to ignore it, but I do love her. For reasons that cannot be touched by you. She offered me all the decency and admiration you would never muster. You were only a foreshadowing of her, but you are also the reason I do not feel her now.

Oh hell! Such gravity makes me depressed. It is my birthday, not by their calendar, but by my own reckoning. The first day of the rest of my life, right? I own every drop of water to hit my toungue, every breath of air, every chilly night spent in my room.

The burning street surrounds my house, and with a thought we shatter.