ennuiwarrior

Hi.



I was grounded, to a degree. I had my feet in familiar soil finally, so I wasnt scared. I was looking forward, a little hesitant, a little excited. I mean, about me. Finally, I felt like it was about me, just for a while.



But this day I was a strung out. I was actually yearning again, my body reacting to the fatigue and burn out Ive been entertaining. I wanted sleep. I wanted erasure.



I had finally stopped wondering if you were going to be there. I stopped looking for you whenever I walked in. I suppose thats why it was such a shock to finally see you there.



I havent felt this gravitationally attracted to anyone for such a long time. Its like, all the pieces fit. Maybe its just mutual enthusiasm, maybe its something else. And all I thought about that was, Is it ever not worth it? Just to find out?



I kept on catching your eye. Or you mine, it was hard to tell, it just kept happening. You know, you glow sometimes.



But the reason I didnt talk wasnt because I was scared. It may sound like a lame excuse, but I was certain that I was doing the right thing. And I know I cant explain to you how I was taught that.



I wish I hadnt said those things. Talk about being off your center again. I just kept wondering, What if I deserved better?



You just keep showing up at the right time. When I least expect it. It is such a thrill, but as soon as I say goodbye I feel like I will never know you at all.



It was like, I could breathe. I was walking down this street, headphones on, high on caffine and isolation. Thoughts bombarding me left and right. I raise my eyes up and see a bird. I just stop, watching this animal glide through space. I think, if I could just glide. No obsticles, no resistance just air to support me. And I look down the street. And I walk home, gliding the whole way.