I don't know what I wrote or why i wrote it. It is not worth reading. I am just thinking
SPOILERS! (Click to view)
Essentially my sexuality is almost gone and I don't care. It is not completely gone. it was quite restricted before and now vastly more so. To be accessed now you have to be some one who is extremely important to me. Almost nothing is important to me any more. After the new year I will be making some changes to my existence because I cannot stand this life any more. What makes the world tolerable for me are temporary. my body is falling apart, my strength is leaving me. I am changing. my mediocrity serves no one. Now it is time to become something reflective of what I am really capable of doing. I risk becoming something that I feared, but I am just failing everyone as I am now. I don't have a choice. At the beginning of princess mononoke the hero lets his arrow go to save his little sister. Later after that action left him cursed he said he accepted the consequences of his actions the moment he let go of the arrow.
