An open letter to my ex-girlfriend, Ellen.
Tricky, tricky. You had me fooled. You really had me thinking you were different, that you were special in some way. I wanted you to be happy, and I got real emo about you, for a damn long while.
And what do you do?
Date Matt Fucking Anderson. You call that meeting new people? Branching out and experiencing college life? You're pathetic. In the immortal words of Ralph Wiggum: "I can't believe I went out with you."
The pedastal is fucking busted. It's dust. It's a goddamn hole in the ground, Ellen. I'm the best decision you've ever made and you blew it. On Matt Anderson. Your best friends two-time ex-boyfriend. Are you fucking kidding me.
Enjoy your life.
There goes all sense of naive romanticism in Ben Guerriero. You saw it fucking DIE tonight. No one is ever getting much out of me for a long, long time. People suck. They never do you right in the end.
People don't find each other after long dramatic, love lorn months and years. They just fuck other people and desolve away into the general populace. And that's it. She's never coming back to me because there's no one left. She's just some dumb, drunk girl.
GOOD.
I'm still here.
Ellen is Dead. Long Live The Great And Powerful Ben.
Tricky, tricky. You had me fooled. You really had me thinking you were different, that you were special in some way. I wanted you to be happy, and I got real emo about you, for a damn long while.
And what do you do?
Date Matt Fucking Anderson. You call that meeting new people? Branching out and experiencing college life? You're pathetic. In the immortal words of Ralph Wiggum: "I can't believe I went out with you."
The pedastal is fucking busted. It's dust. It's a goddamn hole in the ground, Ellen. I'm the best decision you've ever made and you blew it. On Matt Anderson. Your best friends two-time ex-boyfriend. Are you fucking kidding me.
Enjoy your life.
There goes all sense of naive romanticism in Ben Guerriero. You saw it fucking DIE tonight. No one is ever getting much out of me for a long, long time. People suck. They never do you right in the end.
People don't find each other after long dramatic, love lorn months and years. They just fuck other people and desolve away into the general populace. And that's it. She's never coming back to me because there's no one left. She's just some dumb, drunk girl.
GOOD.
I'm still here.
Ellen is Dead. Long Live The Great And Powerful Ben.
VIEW 25 of 33 COMMENTS
sarcasticmenace:
All hail Ben!!! Happy holidays! 
thelastbeliever:
A shark ate your friend? That wasn't a very nice or considerate thing to do. They can be so fucking selfish sometimes...