emptyharbour

I'm home from the bar, with drink in my blood and sorrow in my heart. Perhaps this is the sign of a poor entry. Perhaps the sign of a poor man.

Kevin is upstairs with a woman. One who is not his girlfriend, not the one I've come to appreciate the company of. Do I have any comment? Do I have any concern? I do...
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too much, too late...

Fog was beautiful this morning. I rode my bike down past Ross Bay Cemetery and out along the water, early as I could manage, before the sun burned off the mist and traffic noise ruined the calm. As I rode, I pondered my role here in Victoria; thought about who I am and what I'm doing here. It's been a few...
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I have been denied 14 positions at local hospitals, rescue crews, outreach societies and emergency response units, not because I am not qualified, but rather because I have a penis. Nobody is willing to give men a chance to VOLUNTEER for these positions. Apparently, having nobody to do the job at all is preferable to having a male do it.

I am not sure if...
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"It may seem to you to be no big thing this turmoil within me, this year of poison and pick locks. As if a fish in a tank I remain separated from more than just the world by the glass and the smallest of plastic treasure chests. I remain separated from myself, from the knowing of things easy, and from the solitude of this secret...
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And I wonder how that happened.

Sometimes you want to remember that you ought to forget. Sometimes you just get tired. Sometimes, you get tired of being just a sometimes.

I'm so tired.

I liked you better, back then.

Fucking touchpad just erased my entry. Goddamn I hate laptops sometimes.

Things are complicated, here. I am upset and uncomfortable. So much shit flying around these days, and I can't seem to find exactly where I belong. Those I thought were friends show colours more fitting to cowards. Family abandons, and later returns only when in need. And there is never enough fucking money. Christ......
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So here we are again; late night blogging in a house too hot for sleep. I've realized that I really didn't give this site, and the people on it, much of a chance, so I'm back for another kick at the cat. Joining a few groups, leaving a few comments... hell, maybe I'll even make a friend or two somewhere along the lines. All I'm...
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Where are the bitter hearts of this world to flee to elude the compromise of contentment? If divinity is as the sea, then surely the ships of our souls sail in contempt of it. For were we divine we would be welcome below the waves, and not in such a hurry to ignorantly dispose of ourselves in an attempt to merely control the surface.